After buying my digital voice recorder, I went out with friends with it on. Though I didn't sarge, I was able to hear myself in regular conversation. Not only did I learn A LOT about how conversations flow (expect a possible blog post on this eventually), I also recognized my mistakes. In my mind, I think I am very different from how I actually am, so this was shocking at first. Now I am used to hearing the sound of my voice and I have accepted who I am.
I feel now that I have pinpointed and learned WHAT I need to overcome, I have finally won half the battle. I know what to do now.
(Note: You may not understand what I mean when I put examples. Those are just random things in my conversations---no need to worry about them. They are for me.)
What I need to work on:
- Use less words
- quickly construct the thing/topic I want to say in my head and say it once
- Don't repeat everything
- Don't repeat everything
- Stop directing questions and comments at other people
- That is, don't make anyone the butt of a question or joke
- accept people for who they are
- Don't say everything I am thinking
- When I am joking, try exaggerating my vocal expression
- spice up vocal expression
- Only agree once with people
- and only say "yeah!" once
- Be more enthusiastic when talking about the things I like
- Don't act like I am "too" modest
- Don't repeat things I said awhile ago
- If I do express my thoughts
- Don't keep on repeating and re-emphasizing
- Emphasize points ONLY ONCE
- I don't need to tell people what I "plan" to do in the future
- Like saying I plan to get fish tacos
- When telling a story, give more background information before getting to the point
- Pause between all my points
- When making a joke, use more expression
- When imitating someone, make sure I exaggerate it just the right amount
- "God damn Germans, they're always the same. nothing changes"
- Stop using the word "Basically" and "You know"
- Don't start off saying things on a light note: "Basically"
- Just go in confidentially
- Never stutter
- No more "Ohh yeaaahh"
- No more "arr arr arr arr diii diii dii"
- Don't tell people what makes you laugh as much.
- You can say what happened: "I signed the guy off _thats so funny_"
- "thats so funny" doesn't need to be there as much
- if someone asks you a question, and you know the answer
- only repeat it once
- "Yeah I've seen the movie" x10
- just say it once and wait for the person
- Don't need to say "wow" "that was funny" after I laugh
- Do NOT laugh before anyone else
- Do not give a compliment unless I 100% mean it and can convey that I mean it
- Don't talk about disgusting stuff
- Never ever act like a victim or act like I am trying to avoid getting in trouble
- Try not to end conversations too rushed
- Try not to act very rushed to begin with
- Don't use acronyms in speech
- Some things I mean as a joke can sound real:
- "wow this is confusing"
- "I don't get it~"
- Articulate Thoughts slower then speak
- Agree with someone only once and don't tell someone if I disagree unless they ask
- Do not tell people what I'm thinking unless they ask
- More specifically, don't force my thoughts on people
- Only tell people what I'm thinking (voluntarily) if it is assumed my thoughts are wanted.
- When I start saying something, and describing my thoughts and I realize I don't really know what I'm talking about
- Try to be tactful in stopping my speech and getting the other person to never-mind it.
- Learn from it, try not to talk about what I'm unsure about to begin with
- Don't disagree with someone more than once.
- They hear me and me repeating it can be mean or unsocially savvy.
- Never hold back a good compliment
- (more on this later perhaps)
- When I am giving my IOIs, I need to be congruent and display true emotion in my voice
- Be genuine.
- If I am not genuine at the time
(Added 23-28 on 12/27/05)
(Added 29-31 on 12/30/05)
The list may be more on-going, but I feel I nailed all the major and most of the minor points. Hah, this is almost like my own personal 25 points. (Check out Tyler's 25 points).
I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY suggest everyone try this. Though I have not been at it for awhile, I have found this to be about the most personally powerful outer-game shift ever. I believe I made a post about the equipment I bought a little while ago. Here it is again:
- Audio recorder (I bought mine refurbished for about $35. I have no big problems with my refurbished one except that the ear-phone jack only shoots sound out of one ear... oh well I listen to them on the computer perfectly)
- Radio shack mic
- Blue masking tape to attach the mic to the bottom of the top part of my shirt.
- Some Ni-MH AAA batteries because 1 nights use drains the battery
And now that I can hear myself, I can combine what I hear with all my knowledge from reading and such and I am becoming my own best, personal coach. This is like the ultimate Observing Ego (Check out Dr. Paul on the concept of Observing Ego or look for my old posts. Try my site search :))
Hold me accountable---I need to keep on improving! I think my body language is decent, so once I master my vocal-game, I really do expect to start mastering Attraction. If not, it will be kind of a let down, but I'll keep searching myself. I have faith I just found a huge piece of the puzzle though.
.
Hey bigsend this is really cool I think I’ll try it out.
I don’t understand some of the points. Would you expand these and give the examples you took :
1. Use less words
o quickly construct the thing/topic I want to say in my head and say it once
o Don't repeat everything
o Don't repeat everything
>>Being too verbose is a bad thing.
2. Stop directing questions and comments at other people
o That is, don't make anyone the butt of a question or joke
accept people for who they are
>>Too much cold reading :D
3. Don't say everything I am thinking
>>Please explain.
5. Only agree once with people
o ONLY ONCE
>>Example? I get that too much sound like qualifying but I want to hear your experience on this.
6. and only say "yeah!" once
>>I think this correlates with number 5 but again I would like to hear more of your experience on this.
8. Don't repeat things I said awhile ago
>>Yeah ; D a classic TD point
10. I don't need to tell people what I "plan" to do in the future
o Like saying I plan to get fish tacos
>> Why is this? Hmm interesting though I’ve never thought of it that way.
17. No more "Ohh yeaaahh"
>>Definitely its more of coming as more enthusiatic into his/her conversation than your own opinion which just shows that your frame sucks.
20. if someone asks you a question, and you know the answer
o only repeat it once
o "Yeah I've seen the movie" x10
>>What’s the x10? Meaning you said that 10x before they gave a response?
just say it once and wait for the person
23. Do not give a compliment unless I 100% mean it and can convey that I mean it
>>Interesting. And how do you convey it? Is kino enough? Expand please.
Posted by
Anonymous |
Monday, December 26, 2005 8:01:00 PM
Hey man, all these points are directed at me personally (as I "coach" myself). Most of these may not apply to you (or most anyone) because, after listening to myself, I notice I don't sound like most people.
1. on use less words. Personally I find myself trying to explain things, and when I am trying to formulate what I want to say, I tend to think a little bit out loud. The outcome of this I just use a lot of words when only a few will do.
I just need to work on my articulation through practice
2. Not really cold reading. I may just direct speech too heavily on one person. Maybe I'll tease someone, but it will be a bit too much. Sometimes (in my mind) I'll tease someone because I really don't like them (or don't like certain aspects of) and when I tease them, it seems obvious that I am being more of an asshole than a joker.
3. I am just reiterating this point over and over. Its one of my faults---I am basically too "eager" in speech sometimes..
5. Yeah, sometimes I agree with someone and emphasize my agreement so much, it feels a bit awkward. At the time of me doing it, I am so lost in thoughts that I don't notice it, but after listening to myself I notice that I am not calibrated when I do it sometimes.
6. part of number 5 :)
8. Part of the "too eager" thing. I "need" people to listen to me I suppose
10. Comes down to giving away your power. I know this sounds a bit mystical and abstract, but you can totally sense it when listening to yourself.
17. Sometimes I will say "yeahhh" but I won't sound enthusiastic enough, so it comes off incongruent
20. yeah, 10x is "10 times". But I am exaggerating, I may repeat something 2-3 times, but just by repeating it makes me come off "too eager"
23. Not kino, just how I sound in my voice.
Okay, hope I cleared this stuff up.
Posted by
BigSend |
Tuesday, December 27, 2005 2:14:00 PM
I got really excited to try this out that I went out and looked for a digital recorder. I was up for dissapointment though after the fifth store said they didn't have ANY kind of digital recording device and offered to sell me these overpriced USD40 piece of shit recorder with tape. I mean holy shit who uses tape anymore these days. Which just proves that my country sucks (I think....)
Bigsend I got another question :
# Never ever act like a victim or act like I am trying to avoid getting in trouble
>>Can you give examples from your mouth of what you said? Did you say "Gosh, I don't want to go to jail. I mean, I think I would get manhandled and sodomized. That would not be cool."
# Try not to end conversations too rushed
* Try not to act very rushed to begin with
>>Funny because I know a very cool funny alpha guy who talks really fast. But audible, you gotta be audible.
# Don't use acronyms in speech
>>Lol do you use the PUA acronym when you talk hahahahhahahaha
Posted by
Anonymous |
Thursday, December 29, 2005 4:51:00 AM
I think I just got AMOG'd ;-P
1. Never act like a victim means never complain or whine. Don't even make a joke about it unless you know you are funny when you do it. Takes practice
2. Yeah, don't be too rushed. I don't see whats vague about that... just don't sound nervous and fast?
3. acronyms---basically when I was writing that, I really meant don't talk to people and use vocabulary that they never heard of. Also, sometimes I joke around with "online speak". Such as, when I make a joke and its really bad, I may say "J/k j/k everyone". It sounds funny to me and I can get some laughs, but when I listen to the recording, it sounds so stupid :-/
Posted by
BigSend |
Thursday, December 29, 2005 1:05:00 PM
I sarge a lot in lounges where the music is loud. Some friends of mine were discussing this and we were wondering if it would work.
Do you have any issues with noise or music?
-tadpole
www.tadpoled.com
Posted by
Anonymous |
Saturday, December 31, 2005 9:32:00 AM