http://bigsendworld.com

Everyone else just gives advice and support. You are the one who has to figure out how to exactly change yourself on the micromanagement level and do it.

I have been sarging a lot more lately and this time with a little twist. I have been filming myself (and my 2 other wings Nilabigdawg and 4five6). And I shit you not, I saw things I didn't know existed. I saw for real the exact way I walk, the way I hold my shoulders up, the micro movements of my face, hands, eyes, mouth.. everything.

I saw myself in full. I was able to truly look at myself from a 3rd person perspective and its a bit shocking, its not what I thought it would be like.

Don't get me wrong, its not like I am perplexed, its just that in my head I think I am ABC but in truth I am more XYZ.

The reason I use "ABC" and "XYZ" is because it is nearly impossible for me to actually describe what I saw and how I saw it. We all have different types of perception and my type of perception showed me such:

• I need to swagger my shoulders more when I walk. And then walk taller
  
• That is, I am very tall and I suppose through bad habit I've had to look down a lot in my day, this lead me to some bad posture habits.
• This has never been brought to my attention ever in my life
• I need to become more expressive and communicate with my eyes and face more than my mouth.
• When I tell a joke, now, my facial expression is weak and my body language is still.
• This must change. I must be animated always
• Just like what Carlos Xuma says, calibrate by changing our behavior like a pendulum.
• That is, completely change into a 100% animated character (swing the pendulum the other way) then calibrate downward till the pendulum is balanced.
  
• I need to move my hands more often in conversation.
• not too much, but way more than I actually do.
  
• When I do move my hands, it seems like I am consciously making myself move them
• I need to make my body language talk without thinking about it

This is truly Conscious Competence. If you guys read DeAngelo (or other self help gurus) they talk about the 4 levels of development:

1. Unconscious Incompetence
• You don't realize what you are doing wrong
  
2. Conscious Incompetence
• You have finally realized what you are doing wrong
  
3. Conscious Competence
• You are actively correcting your mistakes and becoming better
  
4. Unconscious Competence
• You are doing the right things and not even thinking about it

So I feel I am going through that path right now. Its a bit scary as I thought all this time I looked confident, tall, strong, and cool, but now I realize I am no where near perfect but I feel now that I have this camera my development, along with my wings, will sky-rocket.

Changing myself means I need to live at my Edge, as David Deida would say. The edge where my comfort and fears border. I feel self conscious when I am too animated, I feel a bit reluctant to be extremely expressive. This must end and the only way to break through is to always practice and be at the edge.

It takes a lot to look at yourself, say to yourself "okay, for the past 20 years I have been wrong. Now I will change" and then become right. The 4 levels of development go for every trait you own.


Okay, this is more like a note to self: I need to make a post on "Influence" by Robert Caldini, "Way of the superior man" by David Deida, and some Carlos Xuma material I have listened to which is fucking fantastic.


PS. If you are serious about PU, get a fucking camera and record yourself. I don't care if you are too poor, if you have a credit card, go to a store, buy the Camera, use it for 30 days, then return it. Work fucking hard for those 30 days before returning the camera.

Also, don't be afraid to film yourselves in field. I shit you not, me and my wings were filming while hundreds of people were walking by us in an open mall area. The sets didn't notice either at all! When/if they did look at us, they only did for a split second, then they went back to the Sarger. [its like what I learned in sociology, if something is so far beyond your reality, then you won't understand it or see its meaning unless somehow directed... filming people randomly while they are being talked to is not part of most people's reality. If they do see us film, their sub-conscious will just filter it as another object in the environment to not waste energy concentrating on]

Also, if you want, have a 3rd wing stand in front (but to the side) of the camera and pretend like he is talking. Don't block the view, no one will notice the angle of the camera pointed.

And if the set does notice, oh well. Fuck them you are only doing this for your own improvement. Just move on to another set as getting caught has not come close to happening, and we have filmed us in sets for over 10 minutes. The targets DO NOT notice! Its not like you will be doing this filming for long anyway; if you really work at it and analyze yourself, I imagine you'll be done filming in a very short amount of time.

Posted by BigSend on Tuesday, September 05, 2006 at 9/05/2006 12:42:00 AM | Permalink