Fellow Blogger SPG Has Some Great, Simple Dating Tips
I have read many, many articles, but this one sticks out. This is just so practical and to the point that I have to post it here. SPG Dating Techniques
I'm not a dating guru. I've gotten to a point where I'm very happy with my dating life and feel good about myself. More importantly, I've gotten to a point where I'm enjoying life on my terms, and finding women who fit into my lifestyle, instead of compromising my lifestyle to fit her. But I'm not an expert.
Here's what I've done to get better at this "dating game,"all of which I did after my divorce:
1. Since my weakness is shyness, I worked on tackling my approach anxiety. First I went to bars with friends/ wingmen, then to bars and cocktail mixers alone. I learned to meet women and get used to starting conversations. Nothing fancy, just "hi" and some fluff.
2. I read "Double Your Dating" by David DeAngelo. I learned that by simply going up to a woman without too much anxiety, making good eye contact and using a friendly tone, I could talk about nothing for 2-3 minutes and get a number with regularity.
3. I worked on tackling approach anxiety outside of the bar scene by finding groups that were doing things I was interested in, and just talking to people and being friendly.
4. I made mistakes in dating. I got serious one-itis over my first "girlfriend" after my divorce. After she left (the whole thing lasted a month and a half), I was in a panic. I realize now I hadn't taken the time to get myself in a good mental state and was far too needy. I didn't take it personally, I just moved forward and learned from my mistake.
5. Since then, the pattern is usually meet=> get number => call a couple days later and set something up => get together in some casual/ fun environment (wine bar is my fav, but it's a little pricey for some guys, so improvise) and don't go past the making out stage on the first date => call a day or two later. After that, see her once a week for a few dates, then no more than twice a week for the first couple months. In the meantime, date other women, no matter how cool she is or how good it's going for at least a couple months.
6. Do the "dinner date" very occasionally, and keep the time and money you spend on her to well within your budget. Women can be easily "trained" to accept whatever lifestyle you provide, so long as she's having a great time.
7. Take charge of the dates. They're always on my terms - the day, the time, the outing. End them first.
7. (This should be #1) I work constantly on improving my sex skills. The MOST important thing is strong mutual attraction. The second most important thing is not worrying about it. Whatever happens, control your reaction to it. Be calm, be cool, keep her feeling comfortable by being comfortable yourself. Then don't worry. You come too quick the first time, or you have a little trouble getting it up when you first get naked, relax. Don't apologize, don't act all funny about it. She's used to it. Just think about how great it'll be when you surprize her the second time. I read books and take what works for the situation. Be vocal - tell her how much you want her, and how good she makes you feel. You want to please her, but don't get all needy and "whatever you want, dear" in the bedroom. Be attentive, but take charge, just like you take charge on the date.
8. As I'm going through, I'd find "sticking points," and research how to fix them. I also found that some solutions are worse than the problem, and that some women just aren't compatible. If she's a "tough nut to crack" in conversation, how's she going to act around your friends and family later on? Sure, there are techniques to get "bitches" to melt, but do you really want to date a woman whose such a pain in the ass in the first place when there are dozens of cool girls who will talk to you like a normal person right off the bat? The best solution I've found for my "sticking points" is the word "NEXT!"
9. If the first date isn't too good, and you're not sure if you should go on another, trust your instinct.
10. If you feel like something is too much effort, it probably is. Dating isn't rocket science, and it isn't a marathon race. If it isn't clicking, don't beat yourself up, just move on. Baning your head against a wall is a really, really lousy dating strategy.
11. Be aware of those inner voices. Those negative voices need to be squashed, and that's best done with basic affirmations. Find the negative voice and turn it around into a positive. Then write that sentence down 70 times, and do it for 7 days. Note your reactions.
12. Even if she seems pretty cool, don't be afraid to keep looking - success breeds more success.
13. For me, the key is always balance. Balance between meeting new women and enjoying relationships; balance between dating and other parts of my life; balance between activities and chilling; balance between the time spent with any one woman in my life (unless it's exclusive, but I'm not getting into that here).
14. I really, really updated my wardrobe, hair, etc. and go to the gym regularly. I want to be the "cool looking guy," and I enjoy shopping in the cool clothing districts. I subscribe to GQ.
15. I have some cool hobbies in various areas, such as active (skydiving, skiing, biking, camping) and laid-back (wine tasting, shopping, live music)
That's just off the top of my head. Basically, I balance pickup skills with relationsionship skills, and I balance women with other parts of my life. I don't compromise my lifestyle to please her, but I'm very open to new experiences. Life is an adventure for me, and I treat dating the same way - she's joining me in my adventure.
http://spgdiaries.blogspot.com/2006/06/spg-dating-techniques.html
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