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As you may know, I got a thing against key-board jockeying, and I make a point not to say anything I don't know about, hence I haven't really touched on negs for the past year this blog has been up. Now I am and I can confidently say I understand it and I have seen it work.

First, neg-theory is very well explained by Style in his stylelife program. I notice his stylelife days are falling off the net as times goes by, but see if you can somehow get his PDFs found here.. http://www.stylelife.com/2006/07/day-10.html

(I have to say, if you are serious about getting the dating aspect of your life handled and you consciously don't do, or even read, style's life challenge, then you need to really look at yourself and ask yourself what it is you truly want---Style is giving to us what no one in history has given, for free...)

I am very thankful of Style and I now consider him as an important of a teacher as Dr. Paul, Ranko, Mystery, David Shade, etc etc


Annnyyyway, if you were able to read Style's pdf on disqualification, you'll notice that the basic idea is the balance between a relationship test and a relationship builder. Keep the key word in mind: BALANCE. One of my greatest lessons in dis/qualification was my short lived relationship with Eve. I over qualified her and showed it, you could say over qualification is being a nice guy.

I over qualified her by buying her a necklace, by giving her so much attention, by seeing her a lot, etc etc. She ended up burning me.

The problem with over-qualification: she loses motivation to earn you, you are not a challenge and she may start to resent you for giving up your standards and looking at her like a goddess. Now these are extremes, but this is over qualification.

Now, under qualification (or disqualification ... or "negs") this is best explained with an analogy. Imagine going into a job interview at an exclusive, high paying firm. The job is 20 hours a week of looking over simple case files, writing something, and getting $100k a year. Its the easiest job ever. You go into the interview and the guy is sitting there and you guys chat. Eventually, the interviewer says "You know, you don't seem to have the right energy for the job, at least I don't see it as I'm talking to you now"

Remember, this is the easiest, high paying job since winning the lottery. The interviewee probably will feel:

1. Self conscious
2. Try to validate himself to raise his qualification value.

Perhaps you'd get the urge to speak up and to vibe better (Of course, there is always the narcissist who only gets self conscious and just leaves, but assuming you are normal without huge pride issues, this is probably what will happen)

Now the other way around, say its the same job but the interviewer says
"Wow, this job is perfect for you, in fact you are exactly what we need. Here I know its only 20 hours a week, but we are going to fire a bunch of guys and need you to come in closer to 100 hours a week. But don't worry, we'll pay you $200k a year, but you will have to work from 8AM - 11PM every day of the week... etc"

Okay, so now how do you feel about the job? A little happy that its still there, more happy because of the higher pay, but your entire lifestyle will change. You may get resentful.


So lets take that entire analogy and lay it on girls:
First, you are an amazing guy. You are charming, low maintaince, just requires 20 hours a week of her riding you (hehe jk) and you are loaded with value (not necessarily money, but just value).
However, during the courtship (or interview) you say to her "Yeah you know, I don't think it'd work between us, you wouldn't be able to take my shit and I couldn't take yours, but hey .... blah blah blah"

She may feel (assuming she is hot, has a decent level of self-esteem)

1. self conscious
2. Seek validation

She will first feel down, like she is about to lose her chance at a dream job... then if she is a cool girl, she may say "noo, why" and try to convince you that isn't the case.

More specifically, you'll see a self conscious, worried, confused look in her eye (not too extreme, but a little negative), then you'll get the puppy dog look of why. This is just my experience, I'm not sure what others get, but so far it has been like this. (I do have my own unique style which I am crafting, I imagine my game is very different from traditional PUAs)

People do not know what they have till its gone, or people don't know your value till you disqualify her/yourself.


The other way to look at disqualification is to disqualify yourself. Take the job interview analogy, imagine the interviewer saying "Oh this job isn't right for you, we are looking for a girl to do the work, not a man. I'm sorry this was a mix up, we do like you though"

So you may still get a bit self conscious, then again qualify yourself to prove you can do whatever a girl can do.

So if you were to say to a girl "Too bad I'm gay or you'd so be my type" that is exactly what happens. However, this analogy isn't perfect. The girl is supposed to see you no longer as a direct "threat" or "seducer" and this buys you time as you have disqualified yourself. She should still feel a bit self conscious about it because you are such a cool guy.

Imagine talking to a super hot girl, but she says to you "too bad I'm a lez or I'd so fuck you right now"

Imagine that...

:)

All right, so the idea of disqualification is to either make a girl chase and/or to make a girl think you aren't available.

That is all!!!

When you neg, have a fun smile on your face, but be a man when you do it. When you say to a girl, "I can't date a girl like you, we're too similar" have a light, fun smile, good humor, but be a man. Be able to stick to your statement and move on. And when I say move on, I really mean move on fast. When you neg, make it seem like a spontaneous statement that happened in the middle of a vibing conversation.
"blah blah blah.. .omg, do you really think that, haha I can't date you now, anyway, check this out blah blah blah" (smile :))

Negs take A LOT LOT of calibration. I may have written this in my blog awhile back, but I have made a girl cry by using the "you got something in your eye" neg. It was uncalibrated and too focused.


Another neg I did was this, I was in a car with my good friend, his girl friend and another girl who was riding with us. While in the car, we got into a conversation about what music we listen to in bed, and I talked about some albums I listened to while hooking up/making out with a girl. Now the story with his other girl is I met her a few months back (as she lives in New York) and we had a slight connection but nothing came of it. Now that she came back for the summer, when she heard me talking about the music I played while with the last girl, I could feel the disqualification.

It was a jealousy plot-line sort of thing (kind of experimental, but in retrospect, I was just talking to my good friend and his girl about sex music). Anyway, the outcome was "I don't need you, other girls want me" (if you read Style's pdf on negs, that statement will make 10x more sense. Even if the Style PDF is gone, you'll understand it... one day)

So, this is what I noticed of her. She didn't say much in the car, and since it was a 2-door, I had to get out of the front seat to let her out. When she came out, she slammed the door and I made a remark "eyyy, I still need to get in, brat!" and then she told me to call her and we need to hang out. After that we had a few long conversations on the phone, but nothing came of it. She seems to have a lot of her own inner game issues that kind of turned me off.


Anyway, here is the assumption negs do. Only someone of very high value will neg congruently; only someone who has very high standards; only someone who is taken by a better girl or someone is loyal to their current; only someone who is very socially calibrated; only someone who has A LOT LOT of balls to tell a girl straight up "really? now I know I could never date you"

By negging you say all these things PLUS.. PLUS before you even neg, you are the coolest guy in the venue, with great posture, a fun conversational vibe, etc.

So negs communicate all those great traits, and they cause the girl to chase you.

Read my Lay Report for some more examples of negs, as I do not think it was a coincidence that my first lay was also the day I had the most success with negs.

Another thing, do not neg a girl who is already super into you. She will cry

Also, if you are new to negs... unfortunately you probably either misinterpreted this whole post or you just didn't get it at all. That is okay.
Go out, practice negs and figure out the micro instructions on your own, THEN come back and re-read this.

You can read all the books in the world about what Wine smells like, or a garden, or how to surf, or how to throw a football, but until you actually do those things, you really have no idea in hell.

Remember I said a few sentences above that she may cry if you neg a girl who is into you? Well, perhaps that is something you need to do once or twice so you can learn for sure. And when you do neg, come back and re-read this, or re-read material online, as you could get something completely different out of it.

I have to add, while I was still learning negs, sometimes when I said "it couldn't work out between me and you" I legitimately mean it and the relationship fizzled away. But it was a great lesson. If you feel apprehensive about negs, perhaps use them and really mean it. I.e., when you say to a girl "I couldn't date you" or "too bad I'm gay" play the role, make it seem real and stick to your frame. Then as you practice more and more, you'll find those micro-seconds where you calibrate and turn the frame around.

In the end, it is all about balance. It is about over qualifying and under qualifying till you calibrate to the point where the courtship is balanced. At first she was under qualified, then you "over" qualified her and now she is just plain qualified. When I say "over" qualified, I mean stating your interested "wow there is something about you now, I mean at first your impression sucked, but now there is something about you which is drawing my attention... etc etc"

These are all stock lines and canned routines. The beauty is, once you play the role of the neg, once you become congruent with it all, even though these are all stock lines, they really do come from within me and they feel very congruent in the right situations/context. I personally am unsure of how to go about negging in a market unless the situation arises in an obvious way.


If the StyleLife PDFs are down, its okay. Perhaps buy the VA Handbook (the Mystery Method Handbook) which is linked in the side.

I'd like to end this by saying that Negs are so powerful, I'd say they are the "one liners" that cause a girl to melt... its just that the line must be delivered at the right time, in the right context, to the right degree, for the right girl, and with the right facial expressions. (I guess its not what you say its how you say it)

Posted by BigSend on Tuesday, July 18, 2006 at 7/18/2006 03:51:00 AM | Permalink