This Week in the Life
For the past week I have been re-thinking most of my life in a new perspective. Though I am always thinking and thinking and analyzing as that is my nature, lately I have been thinking about what it means to be a masculine man.
Right now I am reading ... (okay listening)... to the audio book "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Dedia and it is probably the PERFECT book I could be reading right now. I would say after this little, tiny taste of what a relationship could feel like, I was given a great advantage. An opportunity to know what could be coming up, so as I read "TWOTSM" I can pinpoint exactly where I gave up my masculinity and gave in to my immaturity while with Eve.
Some of the main concepts include that a masculine man is in touch with the never changing. You see, through life we are always changing, each cell in our body is different than it was 10 years ago. Our superficial ideas change all the time. Our eye sight can change, our interactions with people change, our health changes. But what doesn't change is our deep, inner desires. Our feeling of purpose in life, our feeling of who we are. That is when we are 3 years old, or 10 years old, or 15, 20, 25, 40 we still have the SAME sense of self. That NEVER changes. That is our soul, that is the God inside of us. I am me and that feeling of self is always the same.
I am not using the 3-letter word "God" in the Judaic/Christian/Monotheistic sense. I am using it in the sense that we all come from the same source (big bang if you want)---at one point we were all one object that did not change till it erupted (the big bang action itself). Since our cells and body are always changing and society is always changing, new cells are replaced with other ones and we age. New people are replaced by older people. Our sense of self is always the same.
Our sense of who we are, our purpose (if we are lucky enough to be in touch with our deep inner purpose) are grounded in masculinity. Have you guys ever seen a very masculine man? Maybe someone who seems super confident. You see, when a man is very grounded in his purpose and pursuing his (or even her) desires, there is this glow of confidence from him.
When I was with Eve, I lost track of my purpose for a moment, I started to change. My purpose (as I feel it) is to .....I think it has to do with solving problems in projects and teaching/giving advice. At least that's what I do all day for school and I get a great therapeutic rush of confidence when I do things right. Well either way, I am not 100% what my purpose is, but nevertheless when I was with Eve I very easily closed my eyes to it.
Though I don't 100% know my higher purpose, I do believe part of life and growing up is about searching and finding it. Whether or not I have found it, I can't let a woman come into my life let her change my purpose to HER. A Woman does not want to be your purpose. That again, A WOMAN DOES NOT WANT TO BE YOUR PURPOSE. So do not let her think she is, and do not let yourself fall into that trap.
(This assumes you are the masculine partner. I mean, if the woman is more masculine than you, then its actually different).
Yeah, the truth is I don't have years of experience, but these concepts make so much sense. A part of the reason I am typing this is to solidify these ideas from TWOTSM in my head. So if I come off like a know it all, just take what I have to say as a grain of salt. Really, if I were to read this text 3 weeks ago, I'd probably skim and go on to something else. These concepts align with me right now.
Anyway, on facebook (a college version of myspace) I sent a message to a girl in one of my classes last quarter (lets caller her HBMagic because I think she is a total magician chick Dr. Paul talks about). I sent her that message after Eve, I hadn't thought of her till then. So I send her a message on her facebook wall (for public viewing, just like a "hey long time" shout out) and she replies back by inviting me over to her place for shots and coffee hehe (she had a coffee machine).
Well whether or not that goes through (which I think will if it works out, I talked to her on the phone a few times and she gets up 5:45AM every day which is fucking sick). Either way, I have a feeling Eve saw that because after Magic left the message on my wall, Eve sent me a text message! Haha my balls just grew, a hottie is chasing me! hehe
She wants to get lunch with me, but not just that. When she sent the messages, I didn't act enthusiastic or energetic, just replied with stuff like "sounds good, but can't before 2pm" or whatever. Just played aloof and she kept texting me back with other times till we worked out Sunday Lunch.
Man, I wonder why she's chasing, she must have figured out what she's missing hehe.
So I talked to Oliver (Grungey, my workshop teacher) and he advises me to see her at lunch but to bring a female friend along. I'll see if I can work that up, most likely it will either be my roommate's girl friend or none. But eitherway, when I see her I will not allow myself to lose phase. I will be me, I will be my identity and enjoy a nice lunch with her. Will she see my change and come back? Maybe. Will I get mushy and let her win me over again. Fuck No.
But, I planned on leaving Eve behind as she is a lesson in my life. An end to a chapter if you will. But that was her 2 weeks ago, this is her now. If things are different and better now, then I will go for her, I mean why the fuck not. I still want to fuck her like nothing else, but I will not be a child and give in to my desires and wag my tail. No fucking way.
Anyway, if all works out right now (like really works out hehe) I'll have 2 fuck buddies. Magic and Eve. If things work out half way, then at least one of them will be fuck buddies. Otherwise, I am always game to learn more lessons. My confidence is so fucking good that the next girl I get to S2 (Or LMR, almost to sex) I'll be able to blast through and fuck her. Simple. I've come pretty damn far in my studies and experiences and I am only getting started.
I still need to get a car and turn 21 and go out and work on my approach game, but my comfort game is getting better and seduction game. Well seduction game deserves its own post, I am reading a lot of David Shade. I find David Shade, along with Mystery, to be the two most important seduction related teachers for me. Sure Dr. Paul and David Deida (TWOTSM), and Serge King, and Susan Jeffers, etc are like self help teachers. But David Shade I like a lot. I got a hold of his "How to Set the Foundation for a Wild Sexual Relationship" teleseminar and it was brilliant. This guy knows his shit and have a very, VERY solid, masculine frame.
I am also under the impression that Shade is a "lover" type and thus I can relate to him. A very mature, masculine Romantic. Check out Dr. Paul's "King Lover Warrior Magician" eBook for a real cool perspective on relationships.
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