What the Community Means (to me)
I keep seeing new guys join the community in the various lairs in my area and I notice a trend: they want to get good with women like it is the same as getting good at chess, or poker. That is, getting good at poker means studying the game, practicing, and learning the tricks, contingencies, and tells. And although this is very much like getting good at anything in life, after 3 years in the community I realize one thing. Pick up is a 2 person game where its either both winners or both losers. In chess, there is only one winner (except a draw, whoops). Labels: Commentary, Ideas
The philosophy and frame to use as a beginner is the "Experimental frame." The "I don't care, I am in my own reality" frame. While this is great for learning and putting insecurities aside to build lessons, what I notice is the unbelievable low success rate that I, my friends, and people I see posting online seem to have. They (and I) would go up to a set, open, and almost force stories out of our mouths, force ourselves to ask questions and neg answers.
I have not gotten one success doing that. My success only seemed to happen was completely natural in one way or the other. When I interacted on a completely honest level. That is, if I used a routine, it was at the perfect time and relevance.
My new philosophy is that "sarging" is a 2 person sport and either both of you win or both lose. Your job is to get your target to want to win with you. That's really it, when the girl wants to be with you, the game is over, all you have to do is not fuck up, go with the flow, ride the vibe, keep your frame (i.e., pass her tests) and that's it.
So now sarging is about meeting, connecting, and just flowing. That's all interacting means, with all friendships and relationships from siblings, to parents, to roommates, to women and dating.
Another thing I noticed about myself: when I do a routine, story or what-have-you and it comes from a place of honesty and curiosity, I always get a positive reaction. When I communicate non-verbally that I am honest and respectful, I always get a positive reaction. When I slip, run out of material and get worried, lose my flow, the set always seems to end around that point. She no longer wants to win with me it seems.
In other words, whether or not I have something to say, if I am feeling good in an interaction, it doesn't matter what I say (if anything) the interaction goes really well. However, when I am feeling negative (insecure, nervous, etc) no matter what I say or do, I lose it.
So the questions I have is:
After writing this out it became clear to me. Routines are meant to seem random, like you are just flowing. While you are "flowing" the routine sub-communicates high value for yourself. When the routine is over, nothing changes the fact that we flow and exude confidence.
Also, I like how Toecutter put it: routines are just stories and questions you ask more than one. The story of where you were born, the story of your first kiss, the story of your first car, etc etc. In that sense, it ain't bad, but he also implies that routines are genuine and not forced. (Why would I force someone to hear the story of my birth? hehe)
I imagine this could be obvious to most, especially after reading this post. I guess we need to always remember that sarging is interacting with real people and making real connections. Running sets like a bootcamp has its place, but I just get a bad vibe from that concept. I really vibe with the idea seduction is a 2 person game where either both of you end up together or you don't. I'd rather not say winning or losing because its all life's experience. Sometimes it ends with a big bang, sometimes it ends with a great lesson, hopefully both.
The final argument is: where does one learn calibration, get over insecurities, etc without going out bootcamp style and opening 20 sets a night? I'm not sure, I did do bootcamp style myself. I suggest everyone does try bootcamp style, but keep a journal. Try to learn as much as you possibly can. Try not to make the same mistake twice. Eventually the 20 sets a night should turn into 1-2 sets a night.
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