BradP: Blow me or Blow me out
This is one of my favorite articles and really is the foundation for how I personally merged normal gaming (pre-community ideas) to the dating community---it is a fucking numbers game and be glad it is. I don't want EVERY girl, I only want the girls who fit my list of compatibilities: sensuality, humor, some intelligence (hehe), self esteem, etc. Labels: Outside ArticlesI posted a LR+ a while back, and I think people were kind of surprised that I was getting blown out, maybe more surprised that I was talking openly about it and how I handle it. So I'm going to make this little piece right here all about blowouts so you can learn to use them to your advantage. If you missed the LR+, here's a link- Cold approaches in S. Florida: http://fastseduction.com/masf/24/352349/
Let me begin by pointing out that everyone is going to get blown out at some point. I don't care how good you are, no one can pick up every girl every time. I frequently see people who are aspiring PUAs do their thing, and it's obvious that they're still fearing the blowout. If you expect to be some kind of lady killer PUA zen master uber player, yet you still fear rejection and embarrassment, that's shows you're pretty naive about what it takes to succeed. Rejection and embarrassment are temporary conditions which go away very quickly. Being able to deal with situations that would be embarrassing to most people is a prerequisite to succeeding with women. If you're letting little things like embarrassment and social pressure stand in your way, you probably don't have the balls to attain massive success with women. Having balls is the #1 most important thing you need to succeed with women. If you're trying to be a big player there will be constant challenges on every lay and you need to be able to stand up to them. CONSTANT challenges. It never really lets up. You have to get used to it.
Even if you don't want to be a player, you just want to get a girlfriend and be happy, there will be CONTANT challenges. If you don't have balls, your GF is going turn you into her little bitch boy. That's just the way women are.
I hear people looking for openers and techniques that will open 100% of the time. Now this is just my opinion, but I think that can be a little counterproductive. Why? because for most guys, the search for that 100% open rate is a sign of fear. When you have fear you tend to play it safe. Women know you're playing it safe, and they can smell fear. Not attractive.
For other guys, this 100% opening thing is a sign of EGO. It's not about a true interaction with another person, it's about you and your skill set. That's not good. It's pretty self centered and it will prevent you from being genuine.
There are all kinds of women out there. Some are compatible with you and some are not. The goal of your opener should not be to get every girl to talk to you. The goal should be this: to find out as quickly as possible whether this girl is what you're looking for. Force the girl to show her true colors. You should be screening the girls and weeding out the incompatible ones as quickly as possible. If your purpose is to screen and evaluate the girl, that is something women pick up on. It's very attractive. It's a different motivation. You are not being motivated by fear of embarrassment You are not being motivated by ego or the need to prove that you can open any set. You are motivated by the confident belief that there are plenty women out whom you would click with, and it's just a matter of feeling a few girls out until you find one.
Are you feeling like if you blow this set or get blown out, it's going to ruin your night? Are you afraid if you blow the set 10 minutes in, you won't be able to attract another set? That's a really fragile way of thinking. You can not expect to succeed at this if you are truly that fragile. You need to develop a thick skin and create a set of stones for yourself.
There are 3 initial possibilities when you do an approach- attraction, blowout, or the 20 minutes go-nowhere set. Obviously attraction is the best option. But what about the other 2? Would you rather be blown out or would you rather have a 20 minute boring conversation that goes nowhere?
I'd rather get blown out. Getting blown out gives me 20 minutes of my life back. 20 minutes for me is really big. A lot can happen for me in 20 minutes. I can find a hotter girl, maybe a 3some, maybe run into an old friend. You never know. Even if I sit there doing nothing, I'll be plotting my next move and that will still be better than the 20 minute go-nowhere set.
I know you've been in that set. It just won't hook. You feel all tentative. The girl is giving you NOTHING. She's all quiet. She's totally boring. You stand there and plow material and get little reaction. You ask her questions and she gives one word answers. Her friends are looking at you funny. When that happens, the problem is not you, IT'S HER! Some girls are really super boring. Stay away from them.
Of course it depends what you're looking for. Some guys like mellower girls and so you might want to develop material that causes the high energy girls to not click with you. For me, I screen for humor, intelligence, and sexual energy in the first 30 seconds. If she's lacking any of those, I'm gone. I'm not wasting a few hours on a girl who doesn't know how to talk, laugh, and fuck. I'm gonna figure it out right away.
To get a bit more specific, I'm opening with things that will cause the girl to blow me out if she doesn't reach my requirements. Like horse girl, for example. A girl who isn't smart enough to grasp the subtly is going to say "Are you saying I look like a horse?" and blow me out. A girl who has no sense of humor is going to take me totally seriously and I'm gonna have to explain it 3 times. A girl who has a wounded inner child is going to look at me all scared cause she knows she wants to fuck me but she fears the cock. Get these girls away from me!
There are so many issued up girls out there. You have to filter them out. I swear like 60% of the hot early 20s girls I meet are on some form of psychiatric medication. Go away crazy girl!
Ok so filtering out crazy girls is a bit advanced. If you're just starting out, go ahead and do the 20 minute go nowhere sets once in a while. Maybe you'll learn something along the way. Go ahead and talk to the Prozac girls for now, but remember what I'm saying here, because the day will come when you are not in scarcity-land anymore and you'll become the selector.
Now, let's talk about the right way to blow out and have it work to your advantage.
DO NOT: Get all upset and walk away with your tail between your legs.
DO: Treat like a normal thing, where the girls did you a favor and saved you some time.
What most guys do is get embarrassed. Then everyone sees that and it plunges your value in the venue. Then you venue change and the cycle begins again. This is not necessary. Embarrassment is a choice.
Remember, from a few feet away, a blowout doesn't really look like much. All it looks like is people who know each other talking, then one or both turn their attention to something else. So here's a few things you can do when it happens so you prevent that plunge in value.
1. Don't push. When they say "Nice meeting you" or whatever. Just say "Nice meeting you too." Then stay right where you are. Just turn your back on them and turn your attention elsewhere. You don't have to walk away. Just stay positive and relaxed. Maybe take the chair next to them and face away. Check the room for your next set. To any bystanders, this just looks like you were done talking. It doesn't look like rejection.
2. Plow and try to save the set. If the girls get hyped up and you can stay in the saddle for a bit, sometimes just showing that much courage creates attraction.
3. Do not even stop to think. Just turn directly to your right and immediately open the next girls you see with the exact same line you were just using. This prevents you from starting a cycle of negative thoughts. Most of the time the same line works fine on the next set of girls. That proves that the problem wasn't you and you don't even have to break stride. This is something even newbies can do. It's really easy.
Some would consider this all an issue of inner game. To me, inner game is created by consistent action. That's why I'm telling your specifically what do do and how to behave in the situation. Your inner game will become consistent with your behavior as the behavior becomes habitual.
In the end, this is how I look at it: The goal is not to open every set. The goal is to get laid. If I get blown out 9 times and then get laid, it's a successful night. The best way to get laid is to screen girls, open with high impact material, and let the boring girls filter themselves out. I fully expect to get blown out 20% of my sets, and if I am not getting that, I take it as an indication that I'm not gaming hard enough. I'm playing it too safe. Any of you who end up sarging with me or learning from me will watch me get blown out and I'm not ashamed. The flipside is that the girls who don't blow me out usually get massively attracted in the first 30 seconds. I'll take those odds. I'll take 80% attracted over 100% opened but not attracted.
The nice thing about this is you can get a strong sexual response very quickly, and this often leads to some really fast lays. I like that. That's why I always say- BLOW ME OR BLOW ME OUT! I really don't care if I get blown out. One of my natural friends The Pheromone Kid always told me- "There's probably another girl who looks just like her right down the block."
I'm just not into the idle chit chat about guys in pleated pants vs. non-pleated pants. That stuff is cool for those who are just starting out, and props to the guys who came up with it back in the day, but there comes a time to push yourself and go for what you really want. A time to leave embarrassment behind forever. That's when you know you've really got some balls and you're really going to succeed with your goals.
I don't expect everyone to agree with this methodology, but I hope it makes a positive contribution to your game.
Brad P.
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