http://bigsendworld.com

During BradP’s bootcamp, we learned some frame control exercises on how to talk over people in a smooth way, rather than just being loud and talking over them. Brad didn’t want me to go into too many details, but basically the plan is to acknowledge the person who interrupts, very quickly address what they say and just move on without skipping a beat.

For example, if a girl blurts out in the middle of my talk “You are weird” I would probably say without skipping a beat “… I am the weirdest guy you’ll ever meet…” The thing about this technique is it really threw me off at first. I would lose my train of thought and I would sense this emotion/social struggle go on. In field, when I do this right the girls would laugh and get more interested, it’s kind of freaky; but when I do it badly and lose my train of thought, the set kind of dies.

Well the idea is really to maintain your frame as the “Alpha Male King of My World” and when I am talking, unless there is an emergency or the vibe is very flow, no one interrupts. If you can keep that frame along with practice BradP’s method (email him to find out, he told me not to spell it out), then you will find every aspect of your conversational life will start to change.

I was hanging out with my old roommate and a female friend whom I haven’t seen all summer. [Note: I may have taken my oldest blog posts down, but these are the same roommates I lived with when I started this blog.] At that time, they were way more alpha and assertive than I. They would interrupt me all the time when I spoke—it wasn’t like everyone I knew interrupted me, I just happened to room up with guys who were rude like that. Well I didn’t stand much of a chance, they could speak better, flow easier, keep their train of thought, yell loud, and when I think about it, they interrupted each other all the time too. Very immature environment.

So I was hanging out with my old roommate and our female friend (whom is a girl friend of the other roommate). We were talking about Taxes* and I had a rather complex point to make, it would take over a minute to do it fully to make sure they understood as it was a complicated idea. About 10-20 seconds into my talk, before I even came close to making my point, I get interrupted very loudly but then IMMEDIATELY, just like I was in a set without skipping a beat, I say “Hold on, I am talking here let me finish my point” and totally shut them down, they were perplexed. They had never seen me be that blunt before. I could see it in everyone’s eyes. I was not the same dude they befriended 2+ years ago. I’m not even sure if they like me too much now haha.

Anyway after I said “…let me finish my point” I went right back on my thread and finished it up. Actually for like 10 seconds the guy joked “Haha we need a moderator here” but then I went on.

Basically I just kept on talking. The way I was interrupted felt like some crap girls do in a set to shit test me—this is probably why I had such an autopilot response to it. Only thing is, my old friends are so used to interrupting me that they in no way expected me to be so assertive. After I did this the vibe changed, I felt this tension in the air. But, I am a different guy now, the level of respect I used to get from them is not enough for me anymore.

In fact, I have slowly stopped hanging out with them over the course of the past year. I almost never talk to them now. Back then, instead of throwing a hissy-fit, demanding respect. I.e., telling them after the fact that I don’t like being interrupted, I just sort of moved on. Found much better friends who vibe with me on a deeper level: i.e., 456, Ulysses, etc etc.

On the way home, I was talking to my friend whom I interjected over and said “You know, the reason I haven’t showed my face much and you didn’t see me much this past year is really because I can’t even talk with you guys. I keep getting interrupted. It made me feel like shit” I was being totally honest. She agreed, and told me she hates it when she gets interrupted too. Only difference with me is I choose who I hang out with out of a deep bond, not out of loneliness. I sense she is partly with her boyfriend because she is afraid of being single again—she talks about how happy she is now that she is not on the single’s train. I don’t think that is a good reason to be in a relationship, but I didn’t say that.

The vibe definitely changed. I know their view of me is a push over guy. Well, not anymore haha. Though I rarely, rarely hang out with people like them. 99% of people I meet and hang with are respectful of when anyone speaks no matter how alpha or non-alpha the guy is.

Truth is, I really do hate having to apply BradP’s frame control tactics. It feels harsh but when it must be done, it must be done. I would never want a relationship, be it friend or lover, with a person who shit-tests me like that.

So I’m not too sure how much I’ll be with that crew. When I hang out with them 1-on-1 its actually quite fun and we have great rapport. When more than one of them are together, its very immature.

So I guess my lessons were 1) move away from people who don’t make you feel good 2) be assertive, don’t let people walk on you 3) be prepared. When you actively don’t let someone walk on you, keep the alpha frame. Don’t let it drop off. I mean of course if I have a boss or some authority figure, I can’t do this alpha male bull shit, that would be retarded…


*My taxes point was basically that I feel income taxes do nothing more but further separate the “rich” from the “poor.” In America the media hypes up the big class struggle where one political party, the Democrats, are big about taxing the “wealthiest” and giving back to the poor. But I do not think it works that way. The real wealthiest are the ones who make the laws through lobbying, being in congress, etc etc. They make the loopholes (and we all know there are a TON of loop holes in the legal system) so they can afford the lawyers who can use the loop holes. Perhaps they hide their money in S-Corps or over seas. I don’t know, I’m not one of those “rich.” However, if we decide to raise taxes, that does nothing more than hurt people who make money through working hard—i.e., it hurts the non-rich. The real rich are not hurt much, perhaps they lose more of their ability to hire employees or expand their business. In fact, when taxes are raised on business, it is NOT the business who loses money, it is consumers. Why? Because business will just raise the prices and say the tax went up. In California is 8.25%. Or if its federal tax, they will decrease supply and raise prices.

Also, if we do raise taxes now, say the people who earn over $100K get 40% taken away and the people above $50K get 30%. What will happen 4, 8, 12, 16 years from now? Will taxes stay the same.. or will they go up more.. or will they trickle down to the lower and lower income brackets? Taxes in socialist countries are HUGE. Every person is nearly the same wealth except the filthy rich—i.e., the ones who are not affected by taxes.

So the media is hyping the “class warfare” and I believe it is Democrats who want to raise taxes on the rich to alleviate that class difference, but it may have a very backwards effect—sure it sounds good on paper, but is that how economics REALLY works? Besides, do we really want the government to have more money? I mean defense is important, and construction, but look at how much the Government wastes, they suck at money. They have no incentive to handle money well, they don’t own stock. They have tenure, so they can’t lose their jobs in government. Look at the Katrina situation and how much money was lost there. Its all over the media and they still can’t take care of New Orleans. Do we really want the government to get more money through taxes? Is that really the answer to the “class warfare” media hype?

I could go on, but I really feel income taxes is anti-American. In fact, there was almost NO income taxes before the early 1900 was FDR I believe. Before that there were taxes only during war time. FDR put our country on a socialist track because he wanted to alleviate the great depression as fast as possible… great… our grand children thank you. Not only do we lose money to taxes, but also social security—something my generation will probably never see.

So now that the government gets loads of money, they have 100x more power than they used to. Wasn’t America supposed to be about the people having all the power and the government completely serving the people’s desires?

(See how long of a point that was, I can’t be interrupted in the middle and still be able to finish that shit off! Well this isn’t a political blog. I imagine lots of people will hatefully disagree but please, save it. I fucking hate taxes, you do too. So lets drop it. No political discussion on this blog.)

Labels: Commentary, Ideas, Outings, The Past

Posted by BigSend on Tuesday, October 02, 2007 at 10/02/2007 03:12:00 AM | Permalink