A Mediocre Date that Did End with Sex---go figure
I'm really loving this Okcupid site, it feels so natural and fun. Even though I am not quite using Davem /online pick up mentality on it, I did make my profile DaveM-esque (with help from my buddy Ulysses from Social Fundamentals). I highly recommend those programs. Anyway on to the journal... Labels: Field Reports, Ideas
Its funny, over time I have been asking the Universe to bring me a very sexually experienced girl and though I have been asking for other traits, this girl messaged me out of the blue on Okcupid and so ensues our little bit of time together. First off, she is about 10 years older than me, just broke up with her ex-boyfriend of 8 years and wants to experience more of life. We message each other a bit and it seems very clear she isn't interested in exchanging a bunch of messages, at least that was the vibe I got. What happened specifically was I wrote out half a message---since I was late meeting a good friend I hadn't seen in awhile---saying I'd say more later. I put in my phone number and said "Hey by the way, if you are in the area and want to meet me and a few of my friends, you're invited." So after that, we migrated to talking on the phone.
The next day, we talk on the phone for awhile and have a fairly enjoyable conversation. It was mostly a logical conversation, but I got to hear how passionate she was being a psychologist for Autistic children. She finds her passion there and that is awesome. One thing I wasn't too hot about was the fact she is very into western psychology---I just don't really agree with a lot of it and I feel psychologist act like they "know everything" already. Maybe that is just me though (in fact, it probably is...). However, I am focusing my life on being a "Yes" to other people, other events that I would otherwise be a "No" to. (This is related to the Authentic Man Program ---I just had a free phone consultation with them as part of their free-gift package which was a great experience. I really need to write about it soon).
Back to the new girl, our phone conversation was decent so I invite her out to a local bar in my area. Now, when we met, immediately I knew for sure I am not very attracted to her (her pictures were okay though). She seemed to have nice boobs, but she also seemed more aged than I thought she'd be. Turns out, she underwent some heavy surgery and isn't the most healthy. Dang... Reminds me of my first Girlfriend Claire (whom I wrote about all the way back in 2005---posts may be deleted though since its sooo out of date from my current philosophies). But Claire had major heart problems and had scares all over her from surgery. So seeing this new girl naked didn't make me lose my boner from her scars, I was a "yes" to it, even though it wasn't the prettiest thing ever.
Anyway, we meet at the bar and have our first real life conversation. It felt a bit forced, to be honest, but I open up fast and we were talking all night. I told her about what I think about life, more of my passions, and she did hers. However, we didn't form a deep connection, and that really threw me off. Like a lot. It was almost like interacting with a robot. More on that later.
Comparing her to the last date I went on with Jen. Even though it didn't work out between me and Jen, and I am 99% sure of this because of how drunk and then eager/needy I became at the end, since before the end she basically said she wanted me badly. This current girl, we would talk all night, we didn't touch all that much, and I felt almost no connection. It was so off. Yet we still fucked, and this date was a great lesson in what sex without emotion is like... Its not that great for me.
What I did notice about her is she does sort of fit into one of the Energy Vampire categories Stephane talks about. More specifically, the Interrogator. Now, I have compassion for her, I mean she had some bad surgery and probably could have died young. Also, I don't think she trusted men (or me) in general. Its hard to say, she was very hard to read as a person, she didn't have many facial expressions, it seemed that she was keeping a lot of emotions hidden within her and she didn't even know it either... Either way, when she'd ask me questions in an interrogation style, it really felt like an unneeded challenged by her.
About half way through the date we start to make out, but it doesn't happen all that naturally. What I say to her is "Hey, theres something I want to tell you. There are moments I look at you and really want to make out, but then moments come up after that you really don't want that" and I really meant it. No line. Again, my thing now is speaking my truth as Stephane talks heavily about, and how Authentic Man Program emphasizes in Power of Presents. When I told her how I felt, she started asking me why. It felt a bit like an interrogation and not like a "coo" most girls give when I tell them how I feel and am honest with myself. Either way, I had an intuition that she wanted to escalate, even though I felt no surface signal. So I went for it anyway. Good thing was, she was a decent kisser. So we make out for awhile and its great. Then the bar calls my name out on the loud speaker since there is now a billiard table open for us.
Thinking it would add a little spice to the interaction---more than making out---we play a game, but its a pretty boring game actually. She wasn't into it and I didn't care much for it either. We'd make out randomly through it, but I wasn't into the game. When I played with Jen last date, it was fun because I'd show her how to play a bit and she was very submissive and naturally followed my lead. This new girl was fairly set in her ways and a bit masculine in that respect. Oh and this new girl did say later on that she is more dominant and not submissive---though I really fell deep down she is but is wearing a very heavy social mask..
After that game, I invite her back to my place for some drinks and she obliges. The thing was, she didn't seem enthusiastic about it or anything, she just said "yeah sure" like it was whatever. So we get back to my place and she changes her mind about the drink. But for me, that is okay... I don't plan on getting super drunk with new girls in the future anyway. So we go into my room and she sits on the chair and me the bed. We chat a bit and then, before the conversation starts to really die, I ask her to sit by me on the bed. And she was reluctant at first and gave me a bit of a challenging stare, but then she came and we started making out like crazy.
Thinking back to my last date, when I had her on the bed, I should have taken it as far as I could have gone, and THEN watched LOST. Oh well.
Here is what made this current date interesting. She was actually telling me exactly what she wanted me to do. Now, though getting advice during foreplay/sex isn't the hottest thing ever, she pointed out a lot of mistakes I was making in bed, like I need to rub gently and not grab... (not saying I was grabbing her like some ex convict, but you know...) I also need to focus more on kissing her all over. Its really funny, because the first times I was with a woman, I used to spend so much time kissing her all over---mostly because I was happy to be with a girl at all----but after I hooked up with a few more girls and had my first relationship, I got a bit tired of spending 20 minutes just kissing. Its cool and all, but I really want to fuck! Can you blame me? Now this was okay with my last girl, I'd fuck first, and then we'd do more foreplay, and whatever. Since this new girl seemed so sexually oriented, it didn't feel like our first "magical" night together. It felt like we were a couple having sex for the 10000 time and just going through with it. She also didn't turn me on physically that much, so a lot of foreplay wasn't very appealing.
I really don't want it to sound like I am complaining, but I am actually disappointed. Not in her. But in me. I realized this night that I am not satisfied with just sex. I need emotion, and good emotion. I realized I need to fucking LOVE the girl I am sleeping with or the sex sucks. Its like masturbation. Again, I am working on being a "yes" to this fact of mine and the more I introspect on it, the more it makes sense and vibes with me.
Well, with this girl, she also gave me my first Good blow-job. Most girls don't know how to give head at all. This girl actually did. Nice. But still, even head isn't the same if I am not loving her. When Claire gave me her retarded ice-cream cone blow jobs for 3 seconds, I got more hard than ever and fucked her 3 or more times in one night. I really loved that girl. All in all, this new girl is very experienced and seemed to just unemotionally let me know what turned her on. I did it, and she got turned on, but it was more like a masturbation turn on, not a sex/connection turn on. True, this was only our first date, but I feel even then, lots of emotion should be there anyway. In fact, she was telling me all the freaky stuff she was down with, like anal, more deep throat, and lots of kinky shit, but without emotion, it felt like something was off... I never went soft, I was fully hard, her pussy was fine and she had good moves but it felt like masturbation.
So this was a very good lesson. The next day I noticed I am not looking at women as objects as much. Its like I matured a bit---life experience. It was a profound experience. For me, sex without emotion fucking sucks. I am looking for a girl whom I can share a deep emotional connection with. Period. This new girl I am talking to seems like we could share a great emotional connection, though I am not getting the heavy sexual vibe yet. This actually excites me (not the lack of sexual vibe yet, but the connection we are starting to form)... If we do have sex, it will be fucking awesome!
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