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I mentioned this stuff in earlier posts a bit briefly and over the course of the last few weeks I have been practicing this stuff more and more consistently and I want to journal these experiences. It's hard to point out exactly where it began, perhaps the second I joined the dating "community" is the start, or maybe it started the moment I was born. There have been so many sources and inputs, many of which I journaled here—some I took down (notice I don't have many 2005 posts) as I don't quite identify with those old ideas, I keep changing.

Awhile ago, I journaled my experiences doing a technique called 70x7 where I'd write out my affirmation 70 times for 7 days in a row. That took a lot of energy and I noticed it did kind of work but it got to be a bit draining. The philosophy behind 70x7—which I recall making multiple posts about—is to drill into your subconscious mind new habits or mindsets.

There is a lot of merit to that, but at times it did feel like grinding gears. So for about 10-12 months or so I was floating around with inner game. I wasn't quite focused on inner game; I read some books here and there. "Power of Now" which kept my mind open to inner game, but I found it really hard to "be in the now" as Tolle would put it. During this time, my social skills took a bit of a dive: school was my excuse, and logically it seemed like an obvious excuse. I was taking a huge load, studying all day, trying to get A's, etc etc. Engineering is hard! But part of me knew that was bull shit, I just needed to time manage. I would sit around and scratch my balls for an hour reading whatever Wikipedia, or watching TV shows or YouTube, etc.

Suffice to say I was poking around for almost an entire year. Near the end of that "year of lame" I began dating Claire once again and going through some relationship drama with her. My inner game was being played with to say the least. I thought I could handle anything by being very detached from all outcomes. Perhaps that made me more attractive in some small aspects but eventually I did lose Claire (see my old posts about her if you are interested. I wrote them recently).

Well, after Claire (but before I officially cut her off) I met with Stephane from Ideagasms and in turn met likeminded people who were way more evolved than I in the spiritual and inner game path. Fuck, during that time I was so un-evolved, unaware. It was like I was with a bunch of people who knew a secret and had no idea nobody else knew it too. In fact, if they are reading this, they probably wouldn't even recognize that I felt this way.

This "secret" I was missing is the same secret I saw in the movie "The Secret" like 2 or 3 times but didn't quite understand deeply. I met individuals on the path to becoming a Yogi, I met guys and girls who meditate daily and center their life constantly. I met people with extremely intimate understanding of energy, life, love, philosophy, and at the same time they seemed like a normal human on the outside.

Stephane was this guy whom on the outside seems super chill, relaxed, and normal but sticks by his hardcore, ultra masculine philosophy. Now where as I in this mix? I found myself trying to go there nearly every single day and I wasn't sure why. I was canceling plans as much as I could, I was driving long distances sometimes, staying up well past 2 A.M. even with work the next morning; something was drawing me into there. Other guys like me (probably more evolved) were doing the same thing I noticed. One guy canceled a flight to stay longer, another almost got fired from work for staying out so much. There was a lot of gravity there and during those meetings I found out about "Autobiography of a Yogi" a book by a master yogi named Yogananda who tells his life story living with masters of meditation and spirituality (Yogiraj from Hamsa Yoga is like one of them and my God I tell you that guy was the most evolved man I have ever met, he just oozed with Godly aura).

A few people highly recomened another book called "Conversations with God, Book 1" (CwG for short) which, to me, very much complimented Yoganda's book since they were both very unrelated materialistically—CwG was written by a disgruntled man at his breaking point and AoY was written by an enlightened yoga master. However both books said nearly the exact same thing to me, but CwG was written for people like myself.

CwG is a spiritual book written for people like me who grew up thinking life is obviously about eating, sleeping, fucking, and dying. There are obvious cause-and-effect laws of nature and unless something can be proved by an "expert" it is a scam. I was a hardcore scientist with almost no faith and unless someone could go down to my level and reason with me, I probably was not going to change. I wanted to change, but I probably would not have changed if all these pieces of the puzzle did not fall in this certain order.

CwG is a book by Neale Donald Walsh in which he, after having a huge break down in his life, wrote an angry letter to God and God answered back. Now, I know that sounds crazy, but it also sounds a bit intriguing to me, so I acknowledged it and just like that, I picked it up and read it. I rarely just do that, pick a book up after hearing about it and reading it, but I did with this one. I have to say, before I go on, I am using the term God now in the "Super Conscious" sense of the word—that is, we all have a sub-conscious, a conscious, and a super conscious. Our sub-conscious (the part I was trying to train with 70x7) forms our habits and non-controllable traits. Our consciousness is obviously our thinking mind. And our Super Conscious is that part of us that makes us feel aligned, passionate, on the right path. That is, when we are faced with little or no information, our Super Conscious gives us that feeling or impulse to go in the right direction.

I don't personally believe in God as the "All powerful single man in the sky" who created you and judges you. That always felt very fishy to me, I mean God created you, this world, set everything in motion… but if you don't do certain specific things, you spend eternity in Hell. Dang haha.

So, to me Walsh was writing from his super conscious and his words really jived with me. (However, Book 2 which I didn't quite finish I didn't dig too much.) Yeah, in fact, I kind of felt there were ulterior, non-spiritual motives behind book 2, not sure why but perhaps I need to re-read it at a later time in my life.

In the book 1, Walsh gives very interesting arguments to all aspects of life, including life's meaning. He says the purpose of life is to recreate and, in my own words, experience the path we set ourselves up to be on. When I say "set up" I mean before we were born, our souls yearned to experience a life filled with glory, or drama, or early death, or great joy—or our souls wanted to experience being short and fat or tall and skinny and all combinations in between. What would it like to be a rock star or a rock climber or a torture victim? (This does not mean in any way to allow horrific actions to occur, perhaps getting saved is part of their journey—the fact is horrible things happen out there and amazing things happen too). Now, in our human form we cannot directly find our path, we only have our super consciousness which guides us and keeps us on that path as best as it can. On Earth, random events can occur (at least, events out of our direct control… random is another subject) however beyond our purpose to recreate and experience life, it is really a chance for "God" or "All energy" to experience life. See if God is in all of us, then being human is God's chance to experience all ranges of emotion, love, hate, pain, pleasure in every person at once. This concept links me right back to what meditation is about—merging with people and things of nature and being one with them. If God is within us, and God is in everything else, doesn't that imply that a part of us is inside everything else too? Hmm…

To me, CwG links so many things together.

Now, the affirmation: how does one effectively pray? I recall almost till this day (but not anymore) I would never ask God for something. I was afraid of jinxing it, whatever the fuck jinxing means. Walsh goes deeply into the concept of how to ask God for what you "want." And I put want in quotes because wanting is the exact opposite of how you ought to pray (assuming you align yourself this way). The method of prayer he talks about is actually not an asking, but a thanking. In other words, instead of saying "Please God, I want a parking spot I have been driving for 20 minutes, I need your help!" Apparently, all that does is re-affirm your wanting emotion and doesn't help you at all. The actual way to pray is to instead say "Thank you God, for when I am ready to park my car, an empty spot is always conveniently by the destination or, someone is pulling out just as I'm ready to pull and in and take that spot. Thank you for this God."

I know I posted about this before, but HOLY SHIT this has been working. Every single time I have been going to a venue downtown (and there is usually NO open parking downtown, people almost always settle for the $10-$15 parking zones without even looking farther than a block. The times before when I have looked for street parking, I'd usually drive for 20+ minutes, get very frustrated, find myself 5 blocks away then settle for parking.

Every single time I have gone out, I have found parking. This has saved me close to $100 so far. But more important than that, it at first fucking scared me. Honestly, it's like I was running a lab experiment that I sort of did not expect to work, but I put it on faith anyway to work and waited to see what would happen.

Now parking is fairly minor in the grand scheme of things, but it is a bit of a reminder this shit works. What if I thanked God for an elephant being put in my room, or I thanked God for millions of dollars in my liquid bank accounts. Hmm, could it happen? Parking is something that happens right away when you go out, getting large sums of money may be gradual, but I have been doing that same gratitude affirmation.

Of course, I also did gratitude affirmations that went like "Thank you god for I am so happy I go home with beautiful women every night and have hot steamy sex" haha, yes I said that. Who the fuck wouldn't? What I noticed is this: asking for something to happen in sequence doesn't seem to work, what does work is being given something. That is, I am asking to be given a parking spot, given money, given an elephant. Asking for a girl to completely seduce me may not be the right request since I need to play in the mating dance just as much and if my game isn't tight, it may not work out.

But what I can say is lately, I have been approached more and more by women. In fact, the last night I went out, I did a gratitude affirmation that said "Thank you God, for beautiful single compatible women approach me directly when I go out" And the last night I went out, 3 girls approached me directly. No, they didn't say "I think you're hot" but one of them grabbed my hand and was looking deep in my eye. Another stopped me from walking and started asking me if I was John Travolta (I dress like him, doing the whole BradP fashion stuff) and the last girl I don't recall 100%, I think she just smiled and said hello.

Unfortunately, I kind of fucked up all those sets! They actually weren't that easy, it seemed like they were sort of waiting for me to keep up the entire conversation after they said hello.

But it is SOO rare that girls just come up to me and approach me, even when I am dressed very well. In fact, when I am dressed very well I maybe get opened once every other week.

This is nuts. Of course, I haven't gotten my millions direct deposited into my savings accounts, nor has a girl directly seduced me while I just sit back and smile, however repeatedly getting parking spots—and I mean twice in a row the block was full but JUST as I was approaching the person turns on their car, and drives off leaving the spot empty for me. You can either believe me or not, but it is fucking true for me. I just re-read this post and I know it seems so trivial when written on paper, but imagine—for years you have been going out and never finding parking, but now all of a sudden they are appearing every time you are about to pull into a venue.

So I am going to keep on with this. One last thing I need to mention, when one is doing the gratitude affirmation, one must feel great gratitude and positivity in their heart. It must come from love. Just saying, "Thanksgodforgivingmeaprakignspot!" I don't think works. Who knows, maybe it does.

The last things I want to say is this is simply my truth. This blog is public, but in truth it is really my anonymous journal. A few people know me personally on here, that is fine but in the end this is just my journal.

Labels: Ideas

Posted by BigSend on Sunday, October 21, 2007 at 10/21/2007 04:03:00 AM | Permalink