The Law of Attraction
Almost out of the blue, I met a friend who studies interaction and dating but from an angle of affirmations and inner game. That is, my friend really emphasized using affirmations as a way to manifest what you desire in your life (not for positive thinking, but like “wishing from a genie” almost). Also by coincidence, Dante Valentine (from Rock star Casanova) mentioned he uses it actively for his ridiculous successes.
The most general example of this is “The Secret” which is a book and movie about the “Law of Attraction” (LoA). Something I never really sat down and put much effort into was applying LoA strictly to dating. For one thing, I didn’t know how, so when I was attempting affirmations I did it all wrong. Second, I didn’t have faith in them. This is all changing now.
I have seen The Secret twice, I have read a bunch of books on spirituality, and I even talked about it with extended family members who use LoA for their lives, but the topic is elusive. How to use LoA is not a simple technique, it is a life style change. I want to write out how I misinterpreted it and how I currently feel about LoA now.
The three basic steps to LoA are (1) ask for what you want, (2) let it occur—i.e., don’t get in the way—(3) receive it.
How I messed up #1: Asking for what you want is a 5 word statement encompassing a life changing, in depth process. At first, I took it at face value. I just asked. “I want a super hot girl who loves to fuck” or whatever. I asked using my left brain, or using my sequential, un-emotional part of my mind. I wanted a hot girl because having a hot girl is cool in America. Emotionally, I actually felt more resentful of hot girls than loving. So where did I mess up? Well, words are simply signposts, they are not actual things. Thoughts and emotions are things, they have energy, they require “work” for you to produce and create. True, words require energy, but the intention behind the words is the driver of words. My intentions were riddled with envy, feelings of lack, and immature lust. And that is what I kept getting: more envy, more lack, and more lust.
I gave up on LoA at this point, I wasn’t getting what I wanted and felt it was just positive thinking, lacking substance.
How I messed up #2: This one is elusive. Basically it means don’t get in your own way. How I messed it up? At first I thought this means “If the girl is standing right in your room, ready to fuck, don’t get in your way!” but this is a too trivial example. Letting the universe “do” what you “asked” is an art. So, how did I mess it up? I messed it up by simply reversing what I asked. I would “ask” for something and then later on think about how I won’t ever get it. It was just a cartoon fantasy. (See also section #2 below on how I re-learned this)
How I messed up #3: Receiving the wish. Actually, I don’t think I ever misinterpreted this one; this one is very obvious. When the opportunity arises, we must have the courage and conviction to take what we want. Doubt, insecurity, and any negative emotion we feel in the presence of that which we asked for, say a hot woman, is a defensive state. We are essentially asking it to leave.
Above is how I used to interpret LoA. By the way I’ve written it, it sounds obviously pessimistic and off. After some time of disregarding LoA as some new marketing ploy, a few of my good friends and even family members started telling me about. Deep down, I was still asking for LoA explanations, perhaps the Universe just thrust it upon me to learn it? Who knows?
My friends pointed me in the direction of Abraham Hicks, Brent, and Cory Sky*. Actually, at first I was turned off by Brent and Cory because they charge like $10,000 for a workshop and felt they was just blood sucking the market. My friend explained to me that they give away everything in their podcasts and cheaper products. Those were easy to get.
Hicks explains in a thousand different ways what LoA really is at a spiritual level. She explains all the intrinsics and the “whys” and the “hows.” Brent and Sky explain how to use LoA (actually they don’t even call it LoA, but it is literally the exact same thing) in dating and relationships.
How I re-learned #1: Again, step #1 is to ask for what you want. Hicks explain this very well. Basically one must fantasize** about what they want. That is, it’s not about literally asking, it is actually about day-dreaming and feeling amazing while you think about what you want. So, for example if you want “all women to want you” you’d need to sit down and for about a minute focus on this intensely, filled with good emotions, and intention. It is sort of like sitting back and thinking about winning the lottery, what you’d do with the money. This is the process of asking is really fantasizing and dreaming.
Some “don’ts.” Although don’ts sound negative, they are important. Do not think about how hard, how tedious, how improbable, or allow self doubt to creep into your mind while “asking” for what you want. Stay positive. Focus on how much you love what you’d get. Back to the lottery analogy, when you dream about the lottery, do you allow yourself to start getting negative and critical? Or do you turn that part of your mind off and just focus on how cool it would be to swim in cash?
How I re-learned #2: Step #2 is to let the universe manifest what you want. I interpret that as continually not allowing negative, self-doubts enter your mind. That is, the step of asking is really just a few minutes of fantasizing. Step #2 is to continually just have faith. Faith! Faith is very key and that is what #2 is. Just believe it will happen and leave it alone. Do not “want” it to happen because wanting is rooted in “lack.” In other words, wanting is equivalent to Outcome Dependence and neediness (traits that turn women off in dating). So, doing step #2 means just letting it happen and not getting in the way. Not getting in the way internally or externally. Just flow.
How I re-learned #3: Step #3 is to receive. This concept is simple and I explained it above. Just have courage and conviction to go for what you want. However, if you do have full faith, and you don’t allow yourself to fall into your negative thought loops, receiving is not bad at all, at least in my experience.
Approach anxiety is a hot-and-cold example of receiving. In some senses, I feel approach anxiety is warranted. Not all negative emotions are bad. We must flow, and this means if negative emotions come our way, we need to objectively contemplate them and if its just socially conditioned, bullshit self-doubt, ignore it. However, sometimes we have approach anxiety because we really do sense the girl is nasty and we know we wouldn’t want that girl (natural attraction isn’t there). But more often than not, approach anxiety is a combination of adrenaline and social conditioning. Receiving is having more faith than social conditioning. More faith than the negative emotions. Let the adrenaline sail you, but keep the faith.
I’ve just started to apply this. It is rather hard to keep the faith, but it has worked in a few ways. During my final exams, I focused, fantasized, and “asked” that I will have studied the right things that will be on the final exam. Lo-and-Behold, on my Matlab/Linear Algebra final, the professor asked a totally out of left field question about Determinants and special case matrices. I just happened to study that exact thing and got the answer in 2 seconds when it would have otherwise made me spin in circles for an hour and definitely get it wrong. In another class, I knew the professor would ask a very large, 8x8 Matrix question about a signal topic called DFT. Now, DFT has a related form called a DCT which is much more complex. In previous exams the professor always seemed to ask about the DFT, but something made me study the DCT anyway, even though we barely went over it in class. Again, Lo-and-Behold he asked an 8x8 DCT question. Holy shit…
I did real well :)
I can’t say if this shit is real. If the universe really is manifesting this stuff for me. All I need to do is passionately think about what I want, have faith it will come, and then have the courage to receive it. I need to try this fully with dating but I do need more faith—faith is keeping me from going all out. Very recently I became intimate with two girls very quickly which is kind of what I was asking for (and had faith I could do) but I didn’t have the faith I can hold on to them. Interestingly, they didn't seem to work out. (Actually, one girl I personally dropped since I just wasn’t into her. The other girl is just being aloof and I’m not really trying). So in way, I manifested the end of our brief encounter…
I can’t wait to see where this takes me! From what I learned about Millionaire Mind and Think and Grow Rich Programs, those too use the exact same ingredients as LoA to attract money into people’s lives. Is it a coincidence that all these top programs have the same basis? Maybe not…
Also Stephane and AMP slightly reference LoA (to my knowledge) so there are a ton of references. In fact Napoleon Hill who wrote "Think and Grow Rich" apparently used LoA as the basis of his original version of the book...
I got into a little discussion with a friend about this word "Fantasy." The official definition is "Fiction which contain unrealistic events" So I want to emphasize: I do not mean fantasy in the cartoon sense. I mean fantasy in the "Visualize what you really want almost as if it were a fantasy, but instead it can happen realistically" Hope this doesn't confuse anyone.