My blog has moved! Redirecting…

You should be automatically redirected. If not, visit http://bigsendworld.com and update your bookmarks.

Thoughts vs. Beliefs — a Huge Key.

Last Friday I hung out with my new friend Ricky (that I met in my Men's Group Circle*) along with a few others. Like usual, we talked about Law of Attraction and how to manifest things into our lives. Without Ricky realizing the significance it had on me, he mentioned that affirmations are not about thoughts, but about beliefs.

Okay, so that seems obvious. Or, if not obvious it seems like some "whatever" point, but for me it was huge. I feel I definitely lost track of my thoughts and affirmations these last few weeks. They started to feel like a chore I had to say to myself once or twice a day, and after I said them I'd go on my merry way.

But what is the difference between a thought and a belief? In all the psychology and spirituality I have read, our thoughts are a biological process. Electricity flows into our brain and we interpret what that electricity is by habit. So, in general, thoughts are just electricity in our brain. Most mammals have thoughts, even dogs were known to dream.

But what about beliefs? There is a type of magic to beliefs. Perhaps it is spiritual, or maybe it is just sub-concious behaviors that cause beliefs to come true? Who knows, and honestly, who cares. Its like: who cares how your kidneys work as long as they work! Take care of your Kidneys are you're golden.

The difference between "thoughts" and "beliefs" is: emotion. Beliefs are thoughts/ideas with emotion attached to them while thoughts alone are just electricity going though your brain organ. Sure, thoughts do mean something, there could be some emotion with them---but it is the thoughts that have passionate emotion (whether it be positive or negative) that drive the true LoA force.

With me, these last weeks, I went through a shit-ton of stress due to school. As I mentioned in a few previous posts, I was taking 3 tough classes along with working for two professors, and additionally I was a grader for someone's class. Literally, all my time was taken and I didn't even hit the gym once in that time period. I did enjoy lots of it, I was learning some great things like Matlab, how CDMA works (that is the same shit which goes on in many cell phones) and digital logic design.

But most of all, when I would do affirmations, I really wasn't feeling them. I had no passion in my affirmations. Distinctly, I noticed the affirmations did not manifest. What's worst is I had a more intense belief that the affirmations would not come true unless I really focused---but with all the time pressure I faced, I couldn't let myself sit down and do the affirmations.

The major lesson I learned is that my studies did not turn out the way I wanted. True, I was not able to put in the time to study so I really shouldn't be so hard on myself, but at the same time I do believe we attract into our life what was strongly believe the most. However, I am also realizing that keeping the faith and strength in affirmations is not easy. Negative beliefs are so much easier to adopt and I do not know exactly why. When the pressure of life sets in, we are some how more susceptible to outside influence---and most outside influence is rather negative, especially when it comes to academia, money, and women. I.e., since most people in academia and finance are over pressured, it can rub off on me, especially when, already, the stress and pressure is high in my life.

Again, as an aside, having a solid men's group to go to which keeps you on track in your life can undo much of the repeated negative exposer some of us have, especially if we are continually occupied in high stress environments.

Well so far I have talked about men's groups, affirmations & law of attraction, and how strong beliefs and emotion are needed to manifest your wishes. One thing I have been thinking about quite a bit and often is my old girlfriend Chrissy (aka Claire on previous posts). She has this super close friend named Raven who really didn't like me, but Chrissy and her were inseparable. I'd read their myspace and how they'd sleep next to each other and they always share myspace pictures, etc etc. Typical girl shit. Well, the thing about Raven is she is the "angry friend"... you know the typical cock-block, jealous girl. I found out through Chrissy that she never liked me and when we would meet she was always looking at me with a judgmental glare. (perhaps this was my fault, I manifested Raven through my own beliefs... but either way...)

Here is the trippy thing. I still think about Chrissy quite a bit, I also think about how much Raven got in the way. There definitely is emotion in those thoughts. There definitely is passion (even though I would like to stop thinking about her). However over the past few years, they would randomly pop back into my life. Sometimes they would make the initiative---Yeah Raven would too, I think she just likes to keep tabs. Anyway, in the weirdest way, Raven popped back in. While hanging out with Ricky, another friend dropped by. This guy I only met once before, but as it turned out he started talking about a girl he is dating. Guess who that girl is. Raven.

Jesus shit. They keep popping in the weirdest ways. In fact, the last thing I said to Chrissy before cutting her off is "You just keep popping into my life, what the fuck is going on?" However, I resolved to not interact with them.

So out of ALL the girls in my HUGE metropolitan area, of ALL the girls you see in clubs, bars, malls, concerts, of them all, this dude was dating Raven. And I met him randomly through a random friend. The probability is just too fucking low. It is too low for this NOT to be me manifesting it.


Without more of the drama and pointless back story, suffice to say after a disappointing affirmation use in academic studies this quarter, this Chrissy/Raven experience demonstrated the law of attraction still works. Even though I did not want Chrissy or Raven in my life, they popped in because I was thinking about Chrissy with lots of emotion even to this day.

This proved to me that strong emotion and beliefs are a KEY

Now, I don't care if they pop in or not. The point isn't them. The point is the Law of Attraction works, just be careful what you wish for. And for the things you truly want, take the time to ask for it. In a way, I was doing unintentional affirmations on how hard school is, how difficult getting A's are, how little time I had---I was doing this shit constantly.

Even though it was unintentional, it WAS an affirmation nonetheless.

So even though I'd take 10 seconds a day to go over my crafted affirmations, my brain had the habit of focusing mostly on negative, hard things like academics and bad relationships. BOOM the latter happens.

In short:

  • Say your affirmations with Passion

  • Make it a habit to think about them often.

    • That is, if you think about negative things like "how little time we have" or "how hard work/school is" habitually---change that habit.



    • Unless you want to go the rest of your life in haste and tough work, change the thought patterns.



    • It takes effort, but it obviously can be done.


    And don't think about negative shit!!


*As an aside: for those of you who don't know what a men's group is, it is a bunch of guys who get together every so often and make sure each man is truly on his path and being true to himself. Think of it as "Fight Club" but without the fighting.

Labels: ,

Posted by BigSend at 6/15/2008 11:56:00 PM | | Comments

The Law of Attraction

Almost out of the blue, I met a friend who studies interaction and dating but from an angle of affirmations and inner game. That is, my friend really emphasized using affirmations as a way to manifest what you desire in your life (not for positive thinking, but like “wishing from a genie” almost). Also by coincidence, Dante Valentine (from Rock star Casanova) mentioned he uses it actively for his ridiculous successes.

The most general example of this is “The Secret” which is a book and movie about the “Law of Attraction” (LoA). Something I never really sat down and put much effort into was applying LoA strictly to dating. For one thing, I didn’t know how, so when I was attempting affirmations I did it all wrong. Second, I didn’t have faith in them. This is all changing now.

I have seen The Secret twice, I have read a bunch of books on spirituality, and I even talked about it with extended family members who use LoA for their lives, but the topic is elusive. How to use LoA is not a simple technique, it is a life style change. I want to write out how I misinterpreted it and how I currently feel about LoA now.

The three basic steps to LoA are (1) ask for what you want, (2) let it occur—i.e., don’t get in the way—(3) receive it.

How I messed up #1: Asking for what you want is a 5 word statement encompassing a life changing, in depth process. At first, I took it at face value. I just asked. “I want a super hot girl who loves to fuck” or whatever. I asked using my left brain, or using my sequential, un-emotional part of my mind. I wanted a hot girl because having a hot girl is cool in America. Emotionally, I actually felt more resentful of hot girls than loving. So where did I mess up? Well, words are simply signposts, they are not actual things. Thoughts and emotions are things, they have energy, they require “work” for you to produce and create. True, words require energy, but the intention behind the words is the driver of words. My intentions were riddled with envy, feelings of lack, and immature lust. And that is what I kept getting: more envy, more lack, and more lust.

I gave up on LoA at this point, I wasn’t getting what I wanted and felt it was just positive thinking, lacking substance.

How I messed up #2: This one is elusive. Basically it means don’t get in your own way. How I messed it up? At first I thought this means “If the girl is standing right in your room, ready to fuck, don’t get in your way!” but this is a too trivial example. Letting the universe “do” what you “asked” is an art. So, how did I mess it up? I messed it up by simply reversing what I asked. I would “ask” for something and then later on think about how I won’t ever get it. It was just a cartoon fantasy. (See also section #2 below on how I re-learned this)

How I messed up #3: Receiving the wish. Actually, I don’t think I ever misinterpreted this one; this one is very obvious. When the opportunity arises, we must have the courage and conviction to take what we want. Doubt, insecurity, and any negative emotion we feel in the presence of that which we asked for, say a hot woman, is a defensive state. We are essentially asking it to leave.

Above is how I used to interpret LoA. By the way I’ve written it, it sounds obviously pessimistic and off. After some time of disregarding LoA as some new marketing ploy, a few of my good friends and even family members started telling me about. Deep down, I was still asking for LoA explanations, perhaps the Universe just thrust it upon me to learn it? Who knows?

My friends pointed me in the direction of Abraham Hicks, Brent, and Cory Sky*. Actually, at first I was turned off by Brent and Cory because they charge like $10,000 for a workshop and felt they was just blood sucking the market. My friend explained to me that they give away everything in their podcasts and cheaper products. Those were easy to get.

Hicks explains in a thousand different ways what LoA really is at a spiritual level. She explains all the intrinsics and the “whys” and the “hows.” Brent and Sky explain how to use LoA (actually they don’t even call it LoA, but it is literally the exact same thing) in dating and relationships.

How I re-learned #1: Again, step #1 is to ask for what you want. Hicks explain this very well. Basically one must fantasize** about what they want. That is, it’s not about literally asking, it is actually about day-dreaming and feeling amazing while you think about what you want. So, for example if you want “all women to want you” you’d need to sit down and for about a minute focus on this intensely, filled with good emotions, and intention. It is sort of like sitting back and thinking about winning the lottery, what you’d do with the money. This is the process of asking is really fantasizing and dreaming.

Some “don’ts.” Although don’ts sound negative, they are important. Do not think about how hard, how tedious, how improbable, or allow self doubt to creep into your mind while “asking” for what you want. Stay positive. Focus on how much you love what you’d get. Back to the lottery analogy, when you dream about the lottery, do you allow yourself to start getting negative and critical? Or do you turn that part of your mind off and just focus on how cool it would be to swim in cash?

How I re-learned #2: Step #2 is to let the universe manifest what you want. I interpret that as continually not allowing negative, self-doubts enter your mind. That is, the step of asking is really just a few minutes of fantasizing. Step #2 is to continually just have faith. Faith! Faith is very key and that is what #2 is. Just believe it will happen and leave it alone. Do not “want” it to happen because wanting is rooted in “lack.” In other words, wanting is equivalent to Outcome Dependence and neediness (traits that turn women off in dating). So, doing step #2 means just letting it happen and not getting in the way. Not getting in the way internally or externally. Just flow.

How I re-learned #3: Step #3 is to receive. This concept is simple and I explained it above. Just have courage and conviction to go for what you want. However, if you do have full faith, and you don’t allow yourself to fall into your negative thought loops, receiving is not bad at all, at least in my experience.

Approach anxiety is a hot-and-cold example of receiving. In some senses, I feel approach anxiety is warranted. Not all negative emotions are bad. We must flow, and this means if negative emotions come our way, we need to objectively contemplate them and if its just socially conditioned, bullshit self-doubt, ignore it. However, sometimes we have approach anxiety because we really do sense the girl is nasty and we know we wouldn’t want that girl (natural attraction isn’t there). But more often than not, approach anxiety is a combination of adrenaline and social conditioning. Receiving is having more faith than social conditioning. More faith than the negative emotions. Let the adrenaline sail you, but keep the faith.

I’ve just started to apply this. It is rather hard to keep the faith, but it has worked in a few ways. During my final exams, I focused, fantasized, and “asked” that I will have studied the right things that will be on the final exam. Lo-and-Behold, on my Matlab/Linear Algebra final, the professor asked a totally out of left field question about Determinants and special case matrices. I just happened to study that exact thing and got the answer in 2 seconds when it would have otherwise made me spin in circles for an hour and definitely get it wrong. In another class, I knew the professor would ask a very large, 8x8 Matrix question about a signal topic called DFT. Now, DFT has a related form called a DCT which is much more complex. In previous exams the professor always seemed to ask about the DFT, but something made me study the DCT anyway, even though we barely went over it in class. Again, Lo-and-Behold he asked an 8x8 DCT question. Holy shit…

I did real well :)

I can’t say if this shit is real. If the universe really is manifesting this stuff for me. All I need to do is passionately think about what I want, have faith it will come, and then have the courage to receive it. I need to try this fully with dating but I do need more faith—faith is keeping me from going all out. Very recently I became intimate with two girls very quickly which is kind of what I was asking for (and had faith I could do) but I didn’t have the faith I can hold on to them. Interestingly, they didn't seem to work out. (Actually, one girl I personally dropped since I just wasn’t into her. The other girl is just being aloof and I’m not really trying). So in way, I manifested the end of our brief encounter…

I can’t wait to see where this takes me! From what I learned about Millionaire Mind and Think and Grow Rich Programs, those too use the exact same ingredients as LoA to attract money into people’s lives. Is it a coincidence that all these top programs have the same basis? Maybe not…



*
Also Stephane and AMP slightly reference LoA (to my knowledge) so there are a ton of references. In fact Napoleon Hill who wrote "Think and Grow Rich" apparently used LoA as the basis of his original version of the book...

**
EDIT:
I got into a little discussion with a friend about this word "Fantasy." The official definition is "Fiction which contain unrealistic events" So I want to emphasize: I do not mean fantasy in the cartoon sense. I mean fantasy in the "Visualize what you really want almost as if it were a fantasy, but instead it can happen realistically" Hope this doesn't confuse anyone.

Labels: ,

Posted by BigSend at 4/15/2008 11:55:00 PM | | Comments

Surrendered My Nervousness + Opened my Heart = Best Date Ever

Somehow I got the inspiration to check out Okcupid again, a free myspace-ish dating site. I wouldn't categorize it as a Match or Singles site because there really is no pressure, no money involved, and people go on there to meet normal friends, activity partners. Their matching system finds you good friends as well as potential partners.

I used Match about a year ago and it didn't feel right. The girls felt a bit jaded so I shied away from it for a while.

So as school keeps taking over, I have less and less time to go out and socialize. I try to talk to girls on campus, but it is definitely forced. I don't naturally bump into attractive girls in my engineering classes or in the labs, ya know?

I feel like I am giving excuses, so enough with that. A little while ago I wrote out a list of traits I look for in a woman. Included in them was a very warm smile, loving, attractive, nice boobs, and also warm hands and feet, very cuddly, loves sex, a giver, open, smiling, laughs a lot, and willing to listen to me and learn from me. Those are a lot of things…

I meet a girl on Okcupid, but this time I don't do any community* and act like someone I'm not. Some of the community rules are to get her phone number as fast as possible, never talk on AIM (or else you're labeled an "IM friend" or something), etc etc. Fuck all that! I like talking on AIM, I have been using it since I was about 10 years old, so I am used to it.

So back to the beginning. A girl, lets call her J, about 25 miles away from me woo's me. (I notice this is how girls seem to act on Okcupid, they'll send you a woo and go from there.) I wouldn't have found her since I search within 10 miles, but either way I message her back. Her profile seemed great; I sensed fun energy from her pictures and profile and a very warm vibe. So I send a very simple message back asking her what she is like. She responds back very with a very thoughtful message and based on what she said, I knew I found a cool girl on here.

J and I sent messages back and forth, going more in depth till I finally say "we need to talk on the phone or AIM at least" and she agreed, gave me her number and AIM but asked to stick to AIM for now since she was rather busy. That's fine. If I were taking community advice, they would say to "Just call her, be alpha, ruler of your world blah blah" Nah, my style now is considerate, respectful, and lots of qualification.

So we talk online and vibe real well. Very similar interests, including an undying love for The Beatles and other superficial traits. A couple days later we talk on the phone and the conversation is a bit stale, but it wasn't bad either. (Later she mentioned she isn't very good on the phone). Either way we talk for almost an hour and I told her my situation. I want to meet her, but it can either be Thursday or all the way next week since I am studying for finals. And I don't want to wait a week! She agreed also and said she'd come out to see me. Nice!

Before the actual meet up, I start to feel a bit nervous. I think it is because I have been building up this girl's image in my mind of who she will be and now that it is crunch time I get to see what's up. I relax, meditate a little but what really helped me the most was surrendering. Just saying to myself "Whatever happens, happens. I surrender this to The Universe/God/Fate/(whatever you want to call it)." I also caught myself thinking about bad scenarios, like what if this or that happens. I stopped myself. If you are aware of the law of attraction, we bring into our life what we focus on most strongly. So instead I focused on all the good traits I look for in a woman. Caring, nurturing, likes public displays of affection, exudes beauty, open heart, great breasts, warm hands and feet, a giver, open talker, likes to use her tongue a lot in kissing, etc etc. I just imagined how fucking awesome it would be if she had these traits. And if she didn't, oh well I surrender it to God/Fate. I will take it as it comes.

Now the actual meet up. We meet at a local bar, by the door. She sends me a text as she walks in, so I read it while she is walking in. My attention is on the phone, but I feel it is her coming through the door. I read it fast, look up and we greet. "Are you J?" and it's her and we hug. I can feel nervous energy in the air, but that is okay. We walk around and I show her the bar a bit. I also buy a drink for her. I know there is this whole "Who Pays" shit, but I like paying, I feel being a provider is in my blood as a man; I want my women taken care of.

Before I go on, since I mentioned "The Secret" and fantasizing about what you want to happen, part of my imagination had me teaching her how to play pool by touching her as I did it, like guiding her hand and body. Her making shots, and me making out with her after. More on that later.

We go up stairs and check out the pool tables, I notice the furniture of the bar has been moved around, but that is okay. Meanwhile, I mentioned this in another post but I am studying Authentic Man and Ideagasms and learning how to get in touch with who I truly am, and also merging/getting in touch with other people. So as we were talking, I stayed as present as possible and notice how attracted to her I was. I just allowed that feeling to come over me as I looked at her, and I notice she would blush. That's good! But, I didn't let her blushing stop me. The entire night I was smiling, looking at her deeply, and having fun.

Note: This is not some technique. My intent wasn't to "seduce" her with my gaze. My intent was to enjoy myself and I enjoyed being with her.

So we get a pool table and we start playing. I was actually playing really bad and a bit lazy. I was having fun, but pool can take me into my head a lot sometimes. Well J was a newbie so eventually, yes, I did end up teaching her, exactly as I imagined it. I helped her get her first shot in. I showed her the theory I knew and held her body and arms as I did it.

As this went on, we became warmer and warmer to each other. I spoke my truth. I told her I can be tongue tied sometimes (I think while I was gazing in her eyes) and also, I really wanted to make out with her at one point but held back—I told her this and she said "awww no don't!" I think the PUA community calls that an IOI haha. Soon, I am helping her out again in making a shot and make out with her after. She's really into it too! It was awesome. Ohh and she has good breath, that was another trait haha!
Since we were both driving, we stop drinking there and I invite her back to my place for some wine and to watch LOST. She is happy to come along. I show her around my apartment, my great balcony, and we go into my room with the wine.

Now without going into gory details, I played some of the games AMP talks about, like the game where you look into your girls eyes, and try to completely synch up with her. Then she is supposed to say any color like "red" or "yellow" and as she is saying it, you are supposed to sense what she is saying and speak it with her. It takes a lot of connection and rapport for this and it builds connection too. I fucking loved that game! Its on the Power of Presence program at AMP.

We didn't have sex or go beyond kissing. She made a decision before hand that she'd leave early, although looking back I think she secretly wanted me to push for it. She said "stop looking at me like that, I need to leave early" Why oh WHY didn't I realize exactly what that meant. In fact, I did know what it meant, but I didn't act on it and I don't know why. I think I wanted our first time having sex to have no resistance and I knew I'd have to push through a few barriers this time. Either way, I kind of regret it. Well I surrendered that feeling on regret and I still feel great. One thing I noticed is I may have seemed very eager near the end. She honestly fit almost every trait I was looking for and I may have seemed like I was putting her up on a pedestal. So I kind of fear I over qualified her. I was saying things like "Wow, I think I struck gold with you" and whenever she matched something liked, I was like "FUCK YES!!" (pretty much, didn't exactly wake up the neighbors but yeah…)

I surrendered that fear of losing her too.

No matter what happens, the night went great and I consider it my best date so far, she told me she thinks we are a great match. I thought so too. She said she really liked me, I said so too. I'm not sure if my eagerness in the end threw her off, but as of now she doesn't seem very enthusiastic, nor added me on myspace (I clicked for an add). I think those are bad signs, but again I am surrendering all these petty fears and just taking life moment by moment.

This date was a great lesson in The Secret, wishing for what I truly want. It was also an amazing experience connecting and letting myself feel and express everything that comes up. Yes, I do really want to see her again, Yes I really want to have sex with her and cuddle (yes cuddle, she is so warm and cuddly) and Yes I love the way she makes me feel. I am a "Yes" to this. But I am also a "Yes" to her changing her mind on me and not calling back. I am a Yes to that. I believe that is the only way to be truly free of your negative emotions is to surrender them. Be a "Yes" to the good and the bad.

If any of you are interested in Authentic Man Program or Ideagasms, check out the links above. Those two places are legit and my life feels so much smoother now. More specifically, I bought the Power of Appreciation from AMP and I feel that program is helping me realizing what surrendering really means. It means being a Yes to everything. Appreciating life for what it is—not just appreciating when everything goes my way, but appreciating always. It's hard and I may have over did it last night and seemed over eager, I know girls can over think that shit and be like "why did he like me so much" blah blah. But I am a Yes to it. I know the accepting gaze I gave her had a huge effect and really amplified our connection.

Well I better get back to studying for finals. Send me prayers to help me get through these exams!

*Don't get me wrong, the community is a great place to learn black-and-while rules that will at least help a completely clueless person, like myself when I was younger. I just can't stand some of the black-and-while rules. One guru said "If the girl tests you or says something negative, just ignore it and pretend you didn't hear anything" Wow what a great relationship that must be… We'll just ignore each other when the other person feels bad…

Labels: , ,

Posted by BigSend at 3/14/2008 06:52:00 PM | | Comments

Amazing Post by Ariel, a True Truth Seeker

Ariel is a guy I met at a few of the Ideagasms meet up. Ariel is just a student, not a teacher yet I admire him as much as any street-credited teacher. I'd like to share one of his posts because it really reflects almost exactly where I am coming from in my quest to seek truth within myself.

Some of it may seem unfamiliar to you, but just keep in mind it is spoken in the language of love, masculinity, and ego-death (ego-death is to stop identifying with your pride/guilt/shame/over compensation, etc etc)


This past weekend I've been up in Chicago shooting a gymnastic competition. The last 3 days have been ~13 hour days shooting something like 4600 gymnasts. It's been quite awesome actually. It's ridiculously cold up here! ...definitely not like Georgia. I LOVE the warm weather we have. There's constantly snow up here on the ground and when you breathe in through your mouth, it's like you're inhaling smoke because the air immediately chills the inside of your throat. Instead you gotta breathe through your nose, but it freezes your nosehairs.





heh, okay, so I've been playing with states of very intense love and peace lately. I've been falling in love with EVERYBODY. It's like Steph's post about how there's only one woman, but to me, there's only one being. In the eyes of everyone, I see consciousness, light, love, God, ME.





When I realized what was happening, I had a satori as to how to love everyone.





1) Fall MADLY in love with yourSELF.


2) Realize that everyone else IS you and that we are all one. Then, automatically, you fall in love with everyone else because they literally ARE you.





So, I just look people in the eye, like I'm looking straight into their soul, and I connect with them on this really deep level and radiate love out to them, to me.





Most people seem to really open up to this, both guys and girls.





For example, the other night we stopped by a drugstore to hit up the ATM. There was this really hot girl walking by so I made some comment about the SOUP she was carrying and she instantly blushed, giggled, and started falling in love with me. It was like the most natural thing in the world and I literally have no idea what I said. Even the words I said were totally irrelevant. It's pure energy.





She came by a few more times and we started talking a bit. It turns out she's an acrobat in town for some auto show. What kind of acrobat? An aerial acrobat. Yeah, I'd like to see an Ariel acrobat in action. cool





I noticed her accent and asked her where she was from and she said she was from Bulgaria so I asked her if she spoke russian, which she did, so I said something to her in russian. cool





I don't really remember what happened, but she was ahead of us in line and stayed after she paid and finished up so that she could keep talking to me. We spoke a little more and then I finished the conversation and headed out.





As we were leaving, my fellow photographer friends were like, "You know, you can invite her back to my room." The thing is though, that thought never even crossed my mind.





I was thinking about this today and had some eye-opening realizations.





I have this incredible amount of love towards people, but it's not a sexual type of love. While Steph sees the one yin woman in every woman, I literally see ME in every person... and you don't want to go around fucking yourself. ;)





So yeah, even though to me I seems like a duality to break people up in terms of yin/yang, I do see the "problems" with not going with the polarity and want to start bringing more sexual energy into my heart energy.





Everything seems so beautiful. EVERYTHING! It could be a girl celebrating, a girl crying, an old man hobbling down the sidewalk, heck, even a fire extinguisher or the trash sitting at the bottom of the urinal. I'm literally falling in love with EVERYTHING!





The little girls I was shooting, they all do the same exact routines. They compete in floor, beams, bars, and vault, but we only shoot the first three. When they do floor exercises, they all use the same exact music. So you literally sit there and hear the same song over and over and over again all day long.





Now, I get tired of music fairly quickly, even my own music, and I'm not one to like to listen to ANYTHING that I'm even remotely tired of. Things are different now. It's like nothing angers me and nothing aggravates me.





I simply sit back into this state of intense peace and while the content of what's going on in the world might start to get mundane or repetitive, there's this underlying feeling of unshakable peace that is rock solid. It's really cool.





I hadn't drank in a while now and this weekend kicked back a couple beers with my buddies. It was really cool because I noticed something very amazing going on. I would drink very consciously in that I would watch the body start to get drunk, yet the consciousness that I am was totally unaffected. It made the difference between consciousness and the body as clear as night and day.





One of the photographers here, he must calibrate at the level of anger or something... he's one of the most pissed off guys I've ever met. I respect him as a photographer, but fuck, he constantly talks about killing people, murder, blood and death, how much things suck, etc.






I would sit back and talk to this guy from a state of compassion and utter amazement. It's like his perspective of the world is so radically beyond mine that he comes up with things that are completely outside the realm of my possibility... stuff like being a jerk on purpose to make people's lives miserable just because. It was like watching a fascinating show in the discovery channel... the human ego in action. It was interesting to watch this guy go without getting sucked into the ego madness. He'd typically look at me with this almost confused look because I wouldn't join him in the fuck-the-world mindset.





One thing I like about him though is that he definitely speaks his truth. Near the end of the trip, we were talking about different things people had said. During one of our lunch breaks, we went to grab a sub and after paying for it, I simply said "Thanks, beautiful" to the girl behind the counter. One of the photographers asked me if I flirt with every girl I meet and I just responded that I love everyone.





Anyways, the angry photog commented later on on how when I said that, it sounded almost out of place and that he couldn't tell if, by the way I was saying it, if I was saying that to a man or a woman.





That was really cool to hear coming from another person considering what I was saying earlier about loving everyone versus loving yin. Big realizations on that one. Plus it was cool to see the ego try to be embarrassed about it, yet having none of that actually come up. Embarrassment seems to only exist when you still care what other people think of you.





Everything seems so amusing now, so perfectly in place. Coming back from the shoot one evening, there were 2 lines waiting for shuttles to go back to the hotel, one for each of the two hotels running shuttles, both using the same bus. Anyways, a bus pulled past the only line that was there at the time and so we walked past the line towards the bus. At that moment, this one painbody yelled out, "Hey! There's a line here!"






I remember looking into this guy's eyes filled with anger and it was just so funny to me, to the point of absurdity. I looked over and saw that in fact, he had an accurate assessment of the situation. There was a line there. However, there was enough room on the bus to fit everyone in line several times over. Even so, it was just watching another ego go and do its thing.





The loving people bit is so transformational. Like, my roommate here in the hotel left to go shoot a cheer event in another state so another photographer came into take his place. Apparently when they create a new key, the invalidate the old ones so my key had been deactivated. Okay cool, no problem. So I go down to the front desk to get a replacement, but because my name wasn't on the register (business trip, not under my name), they wouldn't give me a key. The most they would do is have security escort me up if I could get the manager's approval.





So I speak to the manager and she starts to open up pretty quickly. People seem to really be so friendly and loving. I know they say reality is just perception, but man...





Anyways, while I'm waiting for security I go to sit down in the lobby, across from some other lady. I don't remember what I said to her, or to the few girls who came to sit down next to her, but the next thing I know, I literally have an entire gymnastics team practically jumping on top of me, pounding me with question after question trying to guess my name. It was hilarious... I would just sit back in my chair and look at each one of them one by one while sometimes giving them hints, sometimes changing the direction of the conversation entirely.





So anyways, these two massive guys in suits come by and one of them comes to escort me into my room. We chat for a bit and he turns out to be a pretty awesome guy. Even though he wasn't even allowed to let me into my own room, he did anyways and just walked off. It turns out that by the time we get there, my new roommate (who I'd already met previously and become friends with) was in the room and I could have just knocked and been let in so that whole security mess could have been avoided entirely. ;)





It's a lot of fun though, coming from a place of TOTAL let go. Like, if shit goes down, it's cool. I just go with it and enjoy the ride, because there's always a series of events coming together where, when you go back and look at the big picture after the fact, you see how so many cool things lined up perfectly to make other cool things happen. At this point, I just trust that I'm creating the universe the way I want, even when stuff "seems" to be going "wrong".





One cool thing I really love doing is meeting people who the ego would either really respect, look up to, admire, etc. You know, people like celebrities, famous people, police, presidents, etc.





You know when kids are little, they look up to their parents as if they were Gods? It's a lot like that. The ego seems to naturally put people up on a pedestal, yet every time you meet one of the people who your ego placed on a pedestal, you come to realize each and every time that they're just as human as you are, with their own weakness, vulnerabilities, and imperfections. We're all just human, playing this game called life. There's no one amazingly better or worse than anyone else. We're all essentially equals on the level of beingness.





For example, during this meeting, I've had the opportunity to meet and hang out with photographers who I've heard about online and whose work and expertise I really respect... these people are pro sports shooters who shoot for virtually every professional sport you can think of... NBA, NFL, X-games, MLB, college sports, etc. etc.





No matter how "cool" they seem, they're still very much human. It's a very humbling experience.





One of the photographers I met who shoots pro tennis, golf, and baseball, he and I got to talking. It turns out he's read the Peaceful Warrior, seen the movie, is getting his son to watch the movie, has done the Course in Miracles, is getting into Eckhart Tolle... I'm like yeah buddy! anim_beer





It's cool to meet others who are really into this same stuff here.





Lovingness isn't something you do. Like, by the end of the day, this body I have was starting to feel worn out and kinda cranky, so I wasn't particularly in the mood to intentionally do loving things to people like smile. Instead I'd just kinda go within to recharge and rest. So I'd walk around when we got a break and be totally still inside and out and still look at people while energetically radiating out love towards them and they would STILL open up and smile. I would literally have people stop and stare as I walked by, people remembering me day after day even though I hadn't said a single thing to them.





Love is about this field of energy that goes through you. It's this impersonal field of energy that touches everyone and everything around you. Other people may not consciously realize what's going on, yet they seem to get the fact that there's "something" going on here. Seriously... I would show no emotion or expression and the love would still reach them. Very cool.





I'm just rambling on here, but I really wanted to share some of these experiences with you guys. I gotta get some sleep to catch my flight back to Georgia tomorrow (err, today technically). If something else pops up that I want to share, I'll chime in later.





Thanks for reading the yakking. smile

If you have access to the forums, the full discussion can be found here, along with his follow ups.

Labels: ,

Posted by BigSend at 2/13/2008 05:59:00 PM | | Comments

Ideagasms --- Preview of Their New Product "Intro to IG"

Stephane and Ideagasms are coming out with a product meant to introduce their concepts "Intro to IG Consciousness." Before, when I asked Stephane what a good intro to ideagasms ought to be, he said just the Girlfriend Training Program. Though the GTP does include all the basic concepts, it is focused on relationships with one girl.

There is much more to ideagasms and I'd like to share that with all of you out there today as I not only feel it can benefit you as a person, but also make relationships better in general. If more people were happy with their love lives, the world would be a better place (for me :) Less assholes on the road and stuff :-p )




PS. I know I haven't posted much lately. School started up. I am on track to graduate June 2009 but my courses are going to be more concentrated and mostly harder. Electrical Engineering is a lot of work guys, make sure you love science and math before applying engineering when you go to college.

With that said, I'll try to post more, for my own sake. I love keeping a journal.

Labels:

Posted by BigSend at 1/20/2008 01:05:00 AM | | Comments

Some Words on Meditation

Inspired by a recent meditation, just 5 minutes ago, I decided to get the laptop and write. Daily I have been meditating and seeking to feel deep within my life force. That is what meditation means (to me), feeling my life force. Feeling my energy. Feeling my awe. Feeling my inspiration. Feeling my heart opening. Feeling my gut/solar plexus warming and simmering. Feeling my brain be spaced out---almost like on a drug but its all meditation. Also, feeling my emotions flow through my body freely. Feeling my sexual energy flow freely through my body.

I do all this---i.e., I mediate all this as often as I can remember. I do it while sitting, standing, driving, eating, drinking, socializing, smoking, talking, thinking, and reading. Some of the things I have noticed for myself is that certain body positions make it easier to mediate and feel my life energy. When I turn my wrists outward, so they face in the same direction as my nose, my heart opens up. I feel myself become more vulnerable, and being vulnerable is a symptom of an open heart. Opening one's heart is an act of trust, an act of faith and it has us feel we are cradled in the world's womb and protected by the worlds fortress---it is a feeling that we are loved and everything is bliss.

Another bodily position I noticed is slightly keeping my chest out and leaning back. There is a certain angle to it. A chest that is too far out seems awkward and fake and every observant person will notice it. Having one's chest too caved in looks depressed and meek. There is a special angle, a special position every person should find in which they feel their solar plexus---i.e., gut---warm up and feel power. Once you lean back and/or bring your chest out to the right position, you should more easily feel power in your solar plexus. To me, it is a warm, power feeling. I say "warm" in the sense that something powerful is brewing underneath and "cold" would be the opposite of how it feels.

The last position I found was keeping your head up---or back. Since I am 6'3" I have always kept my head down perhaps to fit in or hear shorter people talk daily. I found that when I keep my head up at just the right angle (to me, it feels like hold my head back because it is so far from my normal head position) I feel a rush of life-force energy move up my spine and neck. I can't quite explain what that feeling is in words anyone can understand, but suffice to say it seems to amplify all life-force energy that is already going through my body.

Ironically, putting my body in those exact positions not only simplifies my meditation, but it also puts my body in my best body language, as the PUA community would say it. It has me feel love, power, and the energy of life much easier, its almost like cheating on an exam.

As I stated above, meditation to me is about feeling the life-force energy. Another name for this is God. One can refer to God as the Great One. The Big Mother. The Giver of All. God is such a convoluted term in society since most people imagine God as an invisible man in the sky who watches your every thought and action and judges you quite harshly on everything that does "fit" the mold---i.e., your pope's interpretations of the Bible. But to me, God is simply the life-force which is in every one and every thing.

I find it is easiest to feel the life-energy---i.e., to feel God---in humans who are most conscious and spiritually evolved. However, a sensitive and aware person can find God in anything and nothing. Take Van Gogh's Chair:

This is a simple chair. But the depth of this image, the peace in this image. I can see God very easily in it.

Stephane from Ideagasms, while I was hanging out with him, recommended a book "Wild Nights" by David Dieda. I am 3/4 of the way finished with it, but it is further opening my awareness to finding God, the life-force, the blissful awe in every single person I meet: the waiter who takes my order, the women holding another man's hand, that same man holding her hand, my parents, my friends, the bum on the street. This doesn't imply I must give money to the bum; this means as I mediate, I acknowledge his being, his karma, his purpose to me. Perhaps he is warning me of something, perhaps he is showing me one does not need material possessions. I simply feel the answer to this impulse and then, if I feel compelled, I offer him money.

I find it easiest to mediate and feel life energy when I am still, non distracted, openly loved by the environment immediately around me, and in the bodily position described above. When I am not in those positions, I find it harder and even forget to mediate. It is possible to mediate though, but it takes effort. My ego/mind is continually sending me signals that I find a bit hard to ignore.

Again, from my last post What is meditation Anyway, I acknowledge that the mind is simply a tool to weigh data and conducts pattern recognition. The reason most people (including myself) identify with my mind tool is because I am trained to by society and we as humans evolved to continually depend on our mind tool to survive as weak creatures in extremely hostile terrain 100,000 years ago. I have heard of less sophisticated tribes who do not identify with their mind, are simply creatures of the moment. I believe I read about those societies in a sociology class I took sophomore year in college.

Another practice that has helped me mediate is using chakra crystals. These are special rocks which vibrate according to your bodies energy. Now, for the skeptics, crystals are very real when it comes to energy. Take any clock---a clock is a quartz crystal exposed to an electric potential. In response to electricity, the crystal oscillate at a frequency proportional to that of a pure second. (Wikipedia article here). Chakra crystals are similar rocks whose energy is stimulated by your bodies natural energy output. (Article on how the human body is an electrical antenna here). The end result, for me, is when I place the right chakra crystal on each energy center---which I usually identify as a pressure point---I feel massive flux of life force traverse through my body, up and down, and I honestly cannot help but meditate. I am almost forced into my energy centers and thus forced out of my mind/ego awareness. Timeless is the feeling.

Lastly: tobacco and alcohol. It was actually Sie and Stephane from Ideagasms who opened my eyes to this. I had always thought of alcohol as a social lubricant, something that helped get a bit more emotional and less logical. At high doses, alcohol made me feel crazy, do weird things and be more in the moment. There were times alcohol made me feel dark, depressed and in my head. Tobacco---I smoke cigars occasionally as a way to pretend I am prestigious. I gave up cigarettes when I was 18 years old after they stopped giving me pleasurable head rushes and started to just give me massive head aches. However, Sie and Stephane exposed me to a new idea of tobacco and alcohol (and also David Dieda in his book "Wild Nights").

For alcohol, the idea is to allow alcohol to chemically regress your ego/mind tool. This simply makes it easier to be in your emotional energy body. That is all. Of course, an excess of alcohol can completely take you out of your mind and make you a wreck with no self control. This can be bad if we are doing it for the wrong reasons---that is, if we use alcohol as an escape and not a deliverance. As for tobacco, Sie showed me that smoking 100%, additive free tobacco and ripping off the filter is most natural way to smoke. Now what I noticed after doing it is that my life force energy is amplified, especially the energy in my heart and throat (though I can't tell if the feeling in my throat is just from the smoke or if it is also the throat energy. The throat is a chakra-energy center after all). Regardless, smoking tobacco and being conscious of every puff---that is, being each puff. Feeling it going down into your lungs and coming up and noticing the subtle effects it has on your body. That alone is a meditation to me. After smoking, the effects of the meditation keep going for quite some time. It seems to last as long as I want till I return back into my ego mind. I start writing this essay around 1:45AM. Right now it is 2:45AM and I feel the exact same state. However, a few days ago I smoked with my friend and the moment we came inside and began talking the feeling went away. As an update, as I re-read this post and thus went into my ego/mind the meditative effects have decreased a lot. Its still there and awesome, but the amplification is less.

As always: smoking and drinking are toxic. One must use them wisely and at the right levels. Smoking a few cigarettes a day can be okay, but in excess has has the consequence of numerous diseases. Same with alcohol. I notice my ego, my mind, can crave alcohol and tobacco easily but that is just my mind trying to form a habit and fit in to a mold. I would never smoke tobacco for meditation unless I can set aside an entire evening for it, not some 15 minute break though I will still smoke it occasionally in very social situations or at a cigar lounge. As for alcohol, the exact same---only drink for an evening of meditation. However, I will still drink socially with friends when the time is right.


So these are my "some" of words for meditation. I am simply a seeker of truth and the above are some things I noticed along the way. Find your own truth! :-)

Thank you Sie and Stephane for helping me find this gem on my journey :hug

Labels: ,

Posted by BigSend at 12/20/2007 03:13:00 AM | | Comments

Steph’s Circle, My Goals/Purpose, and an Open Heart

Holy fuck I don’t know where to begin. Well, its 2:20AM and I need to be up fairly early tomorrow but I need to write this. Again, hanging out with the Ideagasms crew has taken me to new levels of understanding. My first IG meet up was in March of 2007 while Brandon and AmyJo were still a couple and in Yintegrity. Everyone seemed nervous, not quite open; I didn’t feel any heart all that open to my memory. The next meet up with in LA during the BGTP sessions. There, hearts were opening up, people were vibing, Steph really brought us up to higher levels. Now, in this recent meet up, holy shit guys—I felt consciousness at a new level, unlike ever before except at Hamsa Yoga. This meet up in LA is just pure gold, pure love, pure awesomeness! Today, Stephane recorded a real live “spanking” of his 3 girl friends in front of camera—he is going to release it as a DVD—and in that video his girlfriends opened up like a flower, cried, laughed, held each other and resolved their issues. I witnessed a true spanking, as described in the GTP.

What struck me the hardest (among many, many things) is how complete Stephane looked with his circle. Ghita, his longest term girl friend had the role of co-teacher in Ideagasms, muse, inspiration, healer. However now that AmyJo and Greta are his new girl friends, they assumed the role of co-teacher and healer of the relationship. Ghita is the relationship’s inspiration and muse, and to tell you the truth, Ghita seemed so much more amazing as a person now than I met her before. She just seems balanced, though it was hard for her to accept this and in the recording Stephane addressed this issue.

AmyJo just recently got out of an apparently fucked up relationship with Brandon. Seems like that guy made some fundamental errors in handling his relationship and AJ found her real home with IG. As an outside observer, she seems like 100x happier now than with Brandon—but could it be the honeymoon period of the relationship? Well looking at how happy Ghita is, I doubt it. I think AJ found an amazing place to be and I am so fucking happy for her! Go Girl!

Then there is Greta, she felt like she lacked a connection and since she had a communication barrier with English, it felt hard on her. (Though I am not going into nearly all the details, the idea remains the same). Watching all those girls resolve their issues, cry, hug it out was one of the most heartwarming experiences I have ever seen.

All this stuff is going to be released as a Circle Documentary from Stephane which I believe he is named the GirlFriend Whisperer. But the real point of me saying this stuff is I am spiritually inspired. I am in awe. Stephane would lay there on the couch and have 6 hand caressing him on his body, 3 girls lovingly kiss him all over, give him a massage, and pour massive amounts of love on him. She this guy deserves it but you know what, everyone fucking deserves this!!

To me, any man who is on their path and lives with integrity can attain this. Looking at Steph, I feel this to be true. The question is, does my soul want to have an amazing circle or does my ego want this circle? Well looking at the massive amounts of love, care, devotion, problem resolving, amazing sex (Yes Steph, we fucking heard gagging that night after you went to bed!! Or someone had a bad cough), inspiration, and motivation. If I could get a girl like Ghita to inspire me, motivate me, a girl like Greta to heal me, and keep me healthy, and an girl like AJ to also teach me, offer guidance I would not only feel set in a relationship, I’d feel like I had an awesome family/team to keep me going through any rough time. The amount of love going pouring out of their skin, eyes, and hearts just floored me.

So, yes I believe my soul desires to be aligned with women of G, G, & AJ’s caliber. My ego wants it too, hell why the fuck wouldn’t it!?

· My Purpose: To benefit the world

o How/Resources?

§ By using my engineering skills, logical reasoning ability, social skills, learning ability, and passion to learn

§ Expanding the connections I have in college

§ Expose myself to a wide range of topics

§ Seek out start up firms

o Steps to take

§ Join a start up as an intern and observe and study start up life style

§ Absorb ideas, learn what the world needs to make it a better place

o Next Steps

§ Depending on how those go, perhaps get a graduate degree

§ Perhaps join a team and do a start up

o What will the thing I do be (How will it benefit).

§ We are in a day-in-age where so many major things have been discovered, every new idea seems to be so super specific

§ I don’t need to be famous like Einstein or Louie Pasteur and cure AIDS or Cancer

§ If I can contribute to how efficient cars run, much longer lasting battery, better signal filters, wider range cell phones, faster computer memory, etc

· The ideas don’t need to be front page news, but they will help the world in some ways and contribute to our 10-billion person earth

· And at the same time give me an abundance of money

o Beyond inventing something, I would like to teach everything I master.

§ When I retire from engineering (which plan to be before I am 30) I may want to teach it for free at a university

§ When I better mater relationships, I’d love to help people out with that too

§ Be an amazing father and lover to my wive(s) :-)

o Buy an island where all spiritual people can go to freely whenever they want and have crazy sex, intimacy, and mediation space and the only rule is no Ego allowed (and no judgment)

I must be honest, the following describes my ideal women and although 50% of it is based off of my experiences with women, the other 50% is based off of what I have seen of Stephane’s girl. Stephane has the most high quality girls I have ever seen, they blow my old ladies out of the water and based off of my observations of them, how they interact with Stephane, and what they talk about I have come up with the following list which I consider complete for me, now.

· My Ideal Women (The following traits can be found in more than 1 girl in the same circle)
The following also applies to girls within the circle—they need to love each other fully in their own right.

o Laughs at my jokes

§ This is both ego and heart based. When a girl loves my humor, it fills my heart. My ego is happy too. If she hates my humor, it hurts my ego but my heart doesn’t open more either

· Regardless, I feel I will realize after more life experience, I got to be with a girl who loves my company, laughs with me, and she makes me laugh too!

· Yeah she’s got to make me laugh too!

§ This is off topic, but I think there is a lot to be said for aligning one’s ego with their heart/soul…

§ Must have a super cute giggle (at least one of my girls)

o Supportive of me and any one/thing else she devotes herself too

§ She should naturally feel an urge to care for those whom she loves regardless of her ego.

§ She should be able to (or have a desire) to learn all there is about me, understand me, know my emotions, and love me for all of it.

§ Stick by me and support me as life can throw curve balls.

o Self aware

§ Although this may take training her on my part (which I am more than happy to help a willing girl with) she should be very self aware and keep her ego in check. This is so crucial, it should be #1 but all these points are equally important to me in the end.

§ She is also self-aware to the other girls in the circle too

o She loves to serve me

§ My ego feels good when a girl is willing to help me out. My ego feels bad when the girl refuses a request

§ However, when a girl does things like cleans, washes dishes (and I would even help with the cleaning, as I don’t mind cleaning when its light hehe) wash clothes, scrates my back, cares for my well being

· I feel so aligned in my inside.

· I know it is a soul feeling of gratitude and love

· It makes me want to help her out too and be the best provider I can be.

o She has a sparkle in her eye

§ Perhaps this is something from natural, physical attraction, but I want to see a twinkle in a girls eye when I look into it. No dead looks. No dead stares.

o Corollary: she likes to look deeply at me—not in a creepy stare but admiration

§ I know this sounds ego based, but I feel it is also heart based. I am looking for a girl who can look into my heart, feel my energy, and feel safe near it. I want her to feel safe looking at me.

· I don’t mean she looks at me like a baby duck stares at her mother. I mean looks at me knowing I am the Oak Tree of her life, unshakeable and loving. Admiration.

o Sexually, she is completely secure, open, and fun.

§ She is down to experiment with anything and is willing to go as far as I am, if not farther (especially is she is a teacher type personality and can show me things)

· I have no shame in that

o It is important for me to remember that Stephane is a teacher temperament.

o I believe my temperament is a discoverer. I like to learn new things and then play with those new things/ideas, and yes I do love to teach those things after I have mastered them

§ I have no shame in a girl taking a teacher role sometimes, though I do prefer the Yang Masculine leading frame because when I have mastered something, I trust I can lead best.

§ Deep throat, anal, circles, squirting, sex magic, everything. Hell I’d even try kinky shit too, why the fuck not. Only live once, I have no sexual shame.

o Physically:

§ Well, there are so many possibilities. I could name the obvious big tits, tight pussy, bubble butt, in great shape, hour glass body.

§ In truth, I notice girls’ looks reflect their personality. This is a light observation, didn’t do lots of analysis on it

· So as long as I feel immense physical attraction.

· Yes, I do love large breasts and a bubble butt, seeing that in general can turn me on a lot

· As a man on his mission, I deserve a woman who fits all the above qualities and is extremely physically attractive, healthy, in shape, etc etc.

I want to add, there is an amazing evolution going on in Ideagasms. Stephane is so much more centered now, has an amazing aura and it seems he finally attracted his most awesome circle yet. Along with that, as I said earlier, guys like Mike Elias, Miguel, Sie, Hobo, Mileen, Ariel, Mikal, Big-D, Kage, DonArturo and (shit the names just go on). The evolution I am seeing in those guys just FLOORS me. DonAturo, I let the guy crash at my place and I found out he is a scientist like me. We have been very carefully taught laws of nature, probability, electricity, etc. However I have learned to reconcile and combine my knowledge of analytical science with that of spirituality. Don had not yet but he said he simply learned to separate analytical science from metaphysical science. To me, I couldn’t just separate it, I needed to something to bind the two together. Well, if you read my past posts about manifesting desires through asking the universe, you know I have been getting parking spots everywhere and I used that as the most simple of examples. Ahhh I made like 5 posts about it already, so repeating it feels a bit try hard considering it is 3:30 AM now, I have been writing for over an hour straight!

In either case, we were at Brian’s place and he lives in a section of LA where the streets are filled with cars, nearly no spots open. Guys like Big-D had to park 2+ blocks away to get a spot. Well every time I went over there, even drove off to the beach and came back, etc. Every time I got a parking spot nearly right in front of Brian’s place—that is scientific enough for me! Haha, I don’t mean to say “I told you so” but I hope Don sees that manifestation is real and there is knowledge our mind may never fully understand which binds analytical science with metaphysical. From what I have experienced, I truly believe it.

Now I employ my open heart, my spirit, and my desire to experience amazing abundance of money, love (i.e., circles), friendship, and the ability to accomplish my mission in this life while still enjoying every single second of it.



PS. If you are on the ideagsms boards, I wrote out some more there that is more IG relevant. Click here for it.

Labels: ,

Posted by BigSend at 11/25/2007 02:26:00 AM | | Comments

What is Meditation Anyway?

My mental image of mediation, as far back as I can remember, was a half naked man sitting in the lotus posture with a super straight, stiff back and just sitting there. That is all. Whenever I'd try that type of mediation, it bored the fuck out of me. Like "omg.. im soooo bored" but it wasn't until recently I gained a new understanding of what mediation is. I can only speak my truth for what it currently is---I may change my "mind" later. For those of you who bought Stephane's GTP (and also read a previous post of mine "Speaking My Truth in Set") I have been focusing more and more on Steph's less known recordings on Heart and Inner Game. (The more popular recordings were his questions and answers). Also within the last year I read "Conversations with God book 1" "Power of Now" "New Earth" "Autobiography of a Yogi" "Eastern Body Western Mind" and lots of newsletters, articles, and whatever else came my way. The following is my current understanding of it all.

The mind is a tool. It is a tool that weighs data, judges facts based off memory. Likewise the hands are a tool which handles things. The feet are a tool which help you walk. Your muscles are tools that help movement. Your lungs are tools that help you absorb air. The mind is a TOOL. Also, the mind is one aspect of the Ego. The ego encompasses the Mind and also memories, our stimulus-response habits, our sub-conscious quirks etc. So if my mind is JUST A TOOL, then---minus all tools----who am I? That has been a question going through my mind (ego) all my life. See, my ego just judges data, weighs options, it doesn't know who I am---the most my ego can do is offer a suggestion "Do not touch a burning coal." and I will make sure I don't! My ego also suggests "Approach Woman => Observe Rejection => suggest embarrassment feeling based off past experience and social fears => now I feel bad" Like a computer program.

Ahhh I want to go further. Your mind is an extremely important and needed tool, just like your eyes are a tool to see. You need your mind to figure out how to hunt for food, how to make money, how to survive in a wilderness, how to socialize with emotional people, etc. But that is all your mind is. It is a "system" that "operates". Your mind offers suggestions on how to act based off of memories, patterns, and judgments* Perhaps your mind may tell you "You enjoy playing guitar because it gets you laid with groupies" even if guitar is not a true passion for you. I imagine many lost souls try to go into music because they think their materialistic fortune is found there, rather than their true journey.

So who am I. I believe, as of now, I am defined by my passions. But... then what are my passions and how do I distinguish true passions from my mind's suggestions? That is, if my mind/ego tells me "you love guitar and music" how can I tell if it is my mind suggesting something versus are heart & soul aligning? To me, when the mind suggests something, I do feel a tug to do that thing. It can be hard for me to distinguish when my ego wants me to do something versus my soul.

Mediating is a method I recently use to distinguish between my ego-feelings and soul-feelings. This brings me back: what is mediation anyway? To me, mediation is not about sitting still; it is more than that. I did not know what is meant by being still because I never knew what being still felt like. Here is an analogy: when I burn my hands, my "being" is in my hand, feeling the pain. When I am thinking, judging, weighing data, going through memories, my being is in my mind/ego. When I am in sympathy with someone, my being is in that person. But where is my "true" being? When I am not in a "tool", like my mind/body, where is my soul?

Truthfully, I do not think anyone knows where the "I AM" exists (perhaps it just exists everywhere and no-where). Knowing is something that exists in the mind. The mind can only know things that can be judged, weighed, experimented on, and sensed. The smell of a rose can never be "known" until we experience it. With that said I go with faith. This is simply my truth. I believe our TRUE self lies (or is most directly connected to) our energy centers. Sometimes referred to as Chakras (explain 2 paragraphs down). Sometimes referred to as "our gut" (gut being one of them) or our Heart. Our "higher self". Chakras are still a model that contains data, judgment and ideas. Just like Newtons model of the universe was so close to accurate, but then Einstein came in with a new and more accurate model. Same thing here, I believe Chakra's are a very accurate model because I can actually feel sensations in those exact energy centers.

Currently, mediation for me is simply choosing not to use any tool, especially my mind, and I simply "put my being" in my heart. That is it. I can do this any time and in any position. While I do this, I notice my mind may still be yapping away---that is okay. Its like being out in the cold and my hands are shivering; I can't help but feel my cold hands, its natural. Same with my mind. However, my mind does calm down the less I pay attention to it. The mistake I believe I was making after reading Power of Now was I'd focus on not being in my brain, however I found myself being no where. I was bored. Although I was not thinking, my "being" was still in my head. I was just forcing it to be quiet.

Chakras are energy centers which literally mean wheels in Hindi. It is simply a word used to describe a type of energy center in the body. A person should have 7 of them, each one connected to a different aspect of our being. The first chakra is called the Root and it represents the feeling/energy we have when we are grounded, at home, at peace with ourselves on the earth. The second chakra has to do with unconscious emotional drives. The third chakra is where we hold our "power" or self respect. Heart chakra is where we feel love, openness, devotion. Throat chakra is our ability to speak. Eye chakra is our minds eye. Crown chakra is a connection to our higher self. (This is how I interpreted it and remember). I suggest checking out Stephane's Chakra program if you are interested in this energy model of the body. He offers mediations and a book on the subject. Also videos too.

Also, I believe mediating is about putting our "being" into those energy centers. At the same time, I can let the rest of my body do its thing and I naturally relax. Mediation takes no effort, I just need to remember. Meditation is literally replacing focus from my biological tools to my energy centers. As of now, I just focus on my heart. That is it. Stephane suggested I open my heart and the rest of my chakras will open naturally and that advice makes sense and I feel it working. I speak my truth more now. I feel more grounded. I feel I am on my path more than over. I feel empowered.

So, for me, I believe I can distinguish between my ego needs and my soul needs by simply mediating. Getting out of my mind tool and into my heart. In my heart, if I still feel a desire then I know it is on my path. I need to trust myself and accept myself for this. I need to speak my truth and feel power. Steph is so right, being in the heart means balancing all the other energies. Wow...


*I want to add, I am in no way saying to dissociate with your mind-tool. It is super powerful and I suggest if you want to operate it better, check out Dr. Paul's stuff or Tony Robbins. Anyway for me, the distinction that ego is NOT me was huge. It really struck me when I visited Stephane for the second time in LA yesterday and saw his new full circle---that is saw how he interacted with his 3 girl friends---I felt almost no ego at all, pure heart.. I think steph is going to release part of the video we all took on youtube. The second I get my hands on it, I'll put it up here on the blog!

Labels: ,

Posted by BigSend at 11/22/2007 08:43:00 PM | | Comments

Speaking My Truth (in Set)

Lately I have been on an Ideagasms binge, absorbing Stephane's material, reading his boards. Asking questions related to women, ego, soul, happiness, truth. Quite a fantastic group. Though I am a bit shocked at some of the crazy shit that goes on there, the good out weighs the bad. So this brings me to speaking my truth.

I am on the 6th or 7th time I've listened to the Girlfriend Training Program (GTP) but this time I am paying closer attention to his MP3's of just him talking about ego and soul. If you bought it, its the tracks called Rim Job and Heart Chakra. At first those parts bored me a bit, I enjoyed the Q&A sessions because they gave me situations to fantasize about and critique. The R.J. and H.C. sections were very spiritually oriented.

I must say, if you are just starting out you may feel the same way. Give it a year or two, like me. I can't begin to tell you the satori moments I am having now. Here is an example:

Recently I was at my school gym and doing my work-out routine when I see a girl I found very attractive. She seemed like a girl-next-door type, didn't have on piles of make up but had a homegrown look. Nice body too. The thing is, I felt like I knew her from somewhere, however I couldn't tell if that was just me coming up with an excuse to go talk to her. "Hey do I know you?" is that a lame opener? hehe

Part of me was like "I am just speaking my truth (do I know her), and then I am seeing if she is nice and open." If you guys read Unlimited Power by Tony Robbins he talks about a sweet NLP trick where you imagine a bad moment and shrink it in your mind till it is mentally gone, then imagine the opposite/good moment and make it larger and brighter. What a sweet NLP trick! Without nervousness (or at least 99% of it gone) I just approach her. I ask her the question and it turns out, she is in my Krav Maga class! I just didn't make the connection! My truth was accurate---my mind/ego was over-analyzing. Well without gong into all the gory details, we vibed very well. I mentioned numerous times in conversation "I am extremely honest and upfront" ---I just said that---. As an aside, I know people say "show don't tell" but for me, I think that is a very limiting belief. I tell and show, showing is slow. Anyway, that is just my honest opinion. Me and her talked about our views of spirituality, sexism in America, and just had an enjoyable conversation.

When I said "I speak my truth" to her, I felt power rush into me. I felt like I was in control. I felt like "Hey, this is ME baby! If you don't like it, good. I'll return to my work out!" I think she felt it, she seemed very interested in keeping the conversation going and we talked for like an hour or something. Whoa.

It ended with her asking for my number and me offering her help in E/M classes. I didn't do any fancy kino tricks, I was just doing what I felt necessary, without fear or judgment. If I felt an impulse to touch her shoulder, I did. If I felt an impulse to look at her tits, I did. This is me in full. What will come of this girl? Well the tell tale sign of attraction is "Did I pop a boner while talking to her" and the answer is yes. This means she is attracted to me. (Of course not a full on boner, but I felt the energy in the loins---I'm not a dog!). The IG people would call that biological attraction, as apposed to polarized spiritual attraction. Meh, fuck it.

Not sure what will happen with her but we shared some flirty texts throughout the night. I will have Krav Maga with her this Monday. And besides that, I'll just be in the now moment.

What I learned: Speak my truth and tell people I speak my truth. And when I tell people "I speak my truth" I am really speaking my truth. For those of you who don't know (which is all of you) I have given up on the Mystery Method/Grungey/Stephane/Brad P Method/etc etc. I am coming up with my own BigSend Method. My own personal blend. Something that works for me. This means I am experimenting and not judging any tactic, I am simply trying. Brad P is awesome, but a little bit too cool and rock and roller for me. Mystery is too good with words, naturally I am not that fast. Stephane is too together and in line ---I can't fucking fake that. Grungey is too direct for me. So, where am I? Somewhere in the middle. For me, it seems that when I specifically state my values "I speak my truth" or "I believe in XYZ" or "That does not resonant with me" I feel somewhere deep within me an alignment.

Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful having those guys as teachers. I still do in fact! I bug Stephane like everyday on his boards with my newbie spiritual questions, I think he's tired of me by now haha! Same with Brad, Mystery, Grungey. Those guys continually help me, in that I see their stuff and I get new ideas. I love them all. But, I am not Mystery, Brad, Grungey, nor Stephane. I am me. And I got to come up with a method that works for me.

Labels: , ,

Posted by BigSend at 11/17/2007 03:19:00 AM | | Comments

Powerful Frame by Stephane and New Lesson Learned.

I went out today with a PUA I met named TP as he was supposed to meet up with a girl and needed a wing. Unfortunately she couldn't show up or something didn't work out and we just ended up sarging. Now, I haven't gone out in two weeks. School is top priority and I had midterms spread out during that time.

So I am a bit socially rusty and needed to warm up a bit. TP gets into some sets and I just sit back and watch a bit. Later on we venue change to Saddle Ranch and meet up with Dante again. Dante is chilling because his student already extracted and he was planning to extract more girls too. So we end up getting into some sets together.

Now when I am with Dante, my sets are like 10x better than usual. Honestly I think he has really good energy and I do feed off of it as I am in set. As time goes on, I know I will be able to have a real fun time regardless of externalwhateverness, but hey---its always cool to be with a good friend, regardless of "PUA" status.

Dante likes to challenge me and others and ask us to open sets, do pick up lines. Hah, sometimes I think he does it because he doesn't feel like opening. I'll go like "Hey! You're the Pro and we need to extract" and he'll just laugh, maybe open maybe not.

But one set in particular Dante told me "Hey BigSend, tell this girl a pick up line" and I mistakenly thought Dante was giving me this set, so with that in mind I go in with the cheesy ofcheesies "What is your sign" (Which I think is not cheesy at all if you are into signs. I only know it is cheesy because I think Style said it is in 'The Game' so whatever. Its a fun line)
And I then disqualify "Oh you're Airies, damn... it may not work. But we can make good friends" and we flirt more. Dante is talking also, but I don't sense a "Get out of my set" vibe from him. He's very chill so we kept going. Later we were talking about pick up lines and I just picked the girl up off the ground and said "This is a PICK UP!"haha

Anyway, I did a cold read on her that was quick, saying she wants to come with us to Dante's house party but inside her, she is trying not to seem easy. Then I rememberStephanes frame of "Treat her like a scared/confused friend who really likes you, but she is just insecure" and I tell her
"It's okay, you can be a woman around me"

Whoa, that was the first time it came out of my lips. I read that from one of Stephane's posts on Ideagasms boards. (I Swear guys, buy one of his products JUST so you can get on his boards. His stuff is fucking killer. Link to his blog above, check that out at least!)

The girl gave me the most puppy dog look ever. Ultimately, I need to internalize these frames and not pull them out like some fucking routine. They need to be in me. I almost feel I was born with these frames but society trained me to be AFC. Now I am relearning how to be a man.

Later I found out Dante actually wanted the girl and just asked me to say a pick up line as a joke or something. Dante told me later that if he really wanted me to leave, he'd just outright say "this is my set bro" so I don't think Dante cared too much. Real good guy.

Dante offers free watch-ins of his bootcamps. So you don't have to pay, you can contact him, watch him do pick up for free. He knows he is good and guys end up paying to be taught by him. Great model.


Anyway. Part 2:

Lately I have been doing the Gratitude Affirmation, but I noticed a part of me was doing it out of ego, or show. Example, I was bragging about how finding free street parking has saved me over $100. When I'd find a parking spot, I felt impressed and entertained by it. It went from gracious enjoyment to expected entertainment and bragging rights. Although I "forced" myself to feel gratitude, I noticed if I didn't find a parking spot right away, my ego was like "WTF!?"

Anyway, tonight before the first venue, I did the affirmations for lots of things including parking and I tried to make myself feel the grateful feeling.Unfortunately, it took me about 5 swings around the block, 15-20 minutes to find a spot. Okay, it did kind of get to me, my ego was like "uhh what the hell". I was dependent on it. I was happy though, it saved me from the outrageous $20 garages.

When we left that venue, we went west a bit to a Sunset Strip. I did the little affirmation in my head and parked. Found a parking spot right away in fact. I looked at the signs and there were two of them, one saying the meter operates till midnight. Another sign that was blotted out. I figured the blotted out sign meant street cleaning.. I mean what else?

So I was grateful I found the spot, a bit. There was 30 minutes left on the meter, TP helped put more coins in the meter and left. Came back and it was towed. Turns out, the blank sign was supposed to say "No parking past midnight."Wtf.. Why?? Whatever the reason, I should have looked at all other signs near by and not assumed it was stupid street cleaning.

Anyway, I feel I was tested. Sure you can say it was just bad luck. But check this out. At the towing place, there were a bunch of people in line. Everyone was a bit pissed, but one guy in particular was taking this towing very badly. He was almost crying about how badly he's being treated. He is inCalifornia on vacation and didn't know the rules. He was even yelling at the clerk. The clerks were acting both like this happens every once in a while, but they even seemed a bit taken a back by this guy.

Well, I had compassion for this guy, but he is in the same boat as all of us. He was also in a $900 suit, so money couldn't be worse for him than us---we were all equal here. I then realized very strongly what it means to be a *victim* and what it means to be grateful. I was honestly grateful. I was grateful because I thought the towing places close early and I'd have to wait till 7AM and I also thought they charge $300. They charged me half that. On top of that, I am contesting the ticket now based on the blank signs, see if I can get away with that.

But this had me realize. Is my ego/pride asking God or The World for things like Parking, Good Grades, Sex, House on the Beach? Or is it my soul? My deep, inner desire? How can I know the difference? In my opinion, I believe one will know the difference because if I feeljipped , its my ego that wants it. If I feel grateful whether or not I get it, its my soul. Its hard to explain. Its like saying "Even if I lose, I still win" what is the point of wanting if my soul is always satisfied. I believe this is because no matter what, deep down I know I am on my path. I know that my true "want" is to experience life and my journey. Deep down, I may want a parking spot, but perhaps part of my journey is to witness this hostile man yelling at the disgruntled Towing clerks and give up this money.

I also believe my view of money comes from a scarcity frame. Ooooh finding street parking has saved me over $100. Great, but now I just lost about $150 + $65 if that ticket goes through. If I had taken the $20 parking lots, it would have canceled out easily.

The reason my soul wants the parking lots is because I like having parking spots near by. I am thankful that I am one who finds them. I am also thankful for pay-parking garages because I'd have no where to put my car without them. I am grateful that I have food, shelter, and warmth. I am grateful I can afford these things and a tow+ticket. I am grateful to be on this life journey, toexperience so many great things. This life time is truly a blessing and I feel the journey is just getting started.

Assuming my class petitions go through, I have only 5 more quarters left at school. I am taking extra hard load to make sure I am done by June 2009. Then I feel my journey will take me into bigger and more important things for my self, including building up a company, joining a start up. I feel my path lies somewhere in creating a new invention or improving upon something which helps a lot of people.

I promise myself, I will daily get into touch with my deep, inner self. I will always put ego before my soul. I am grateful it only cost about $150 and about an hour of my time to learn these things. No more fuckingbragging about parking spots. This is my life, everyone in the universe is my brother and equal, no more qualifying. We are all the same, we are all on aseparate journey too.

Labels: , , ,

Posted by BigSend at 11/11/2007 03:51:00 AM | | Comments

Links

Archives

HYPNOTICA: The Collection Of Confidence HYPNOTICA: The Sphinx of Imagination PUA Training - Seduce Women




Subscribe to this blog's feed
[What is this?]

Powered by Blogger Blogarama - The Blogs Directory
View My Public Stats on MyBlogLog.com All-Blogs.net directory logo


By the way, I use SimUrl.com to link most things (including my email which you can Click Here for).
Don't worry, there is nothing bad about it.
It just helps me keep track of things.

© 2007 Bigsend. All rights reserved.