What is Your First Thought?
After reading Conversations with God (a book which I will write a review for soon) one of the first points made is that the universe does give you what you ask for (which is a known concept with "The Secret" being in pop culture now) however what exactly are you asking for? Labels: Ideas
Say you see a beautiful woman, what is my thought process? Well the fact that I recognize her to be beautiful means my first impulse is a feeling of attraction and openness. Then the next instant, a thought of fear comes into me---fear, not like I am seeing a lion or a gun, but fear as in moving away from her. Who is that guy with her? She looks busy, don't want to disturb her, etc etc. The worst thought is "She is too hot, damn." That is the worst one. Or perhaps you come across a great job opportunity and your first impulse is "YES! This is exactly what I have been always looking for." The first thought after the impulse may be "but it is too risky, I'd be losing too much in the process, can't sacrifice.."
The point of this is to journal what I believe are the uses and non uses of the Free-Will and the Free-Won't. Some call the free will "love" and it's opposite "fear" as love attracts and fear repels. Or, it is Id and Superego. For here, let us call it Will and Won't.
To go on with the Freud analogy, the Id is your free will, it is you acting on your impulses without holding back. The Superego is the part of you which tries to fall in line with society, be a sheep in other words. Finally in Freud's view the Ego is the mediator between the Id and Superego. So instead of always being on your impulses or always following a structure in life, you find your own balance. (Taken loosely from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superego) So where does this leave us. What is approach anxiety in this context?
Ohhh man, I feel so analytical now. However, putting my thoughts into words helps me a lot, so I go on. Obviously seeing a beautiful woman is your Free Will, or Id, giving your body a feeling of "Wow I want her". Next, the first thought is your Free Won't, superego, giving you excuses not to break out of the social norm. Finally the Ego is where you find balance. After reading the first book in Conversation with God along with Power of Now and also being exposed to a lot of Ideagasms philosophy, it seems they interchanged the word Superego with Ego. But that is fine, either way I realize more and more on a spiritual level what is going on with Anxiety. I.e., light bulbs have gone off in my head.
In modern USA society, from a very young age children like myself are exposed to media, television and on top of that our parents have been exposed to media for over a generation. That is okay, all societies should have kids be trained to exist, it is how a society functions---if everyone were into their Id there would be chaos. The main problem with USA's society as it pertains to dating is the almost comedic awkwardness and socially abnormal act of cold approaching and making moves on a woman. Now I say this for the following reason. Turn on any television show on a major network, say Family Matters. When I was like 10 years old, I used to watch that show a lot. Or whatever other show, "7th Heaven" I saw a few of those. If you look closely at the show, whenever they show a guy going for what he wants, making a move on the main female character, it is always portrayed as super creepy and insulting. Though the audience doesn't realize they are being trained to adopt this mindset, it becomes almost obvious expressing your desires in dating is creepy.
Okay now I hope anyone reading this knows this is NOT TRUE at all! Far from being true, only in a society which promotes these reaction is it noticeable. Now I won't go into "why" society does this to us, perhaps they don't mean it---TV shows need money and ratings. I don't want to go into conspiracies about the media* but the end result is many guys who adopted this mindset have a very rigid "Free Won't." Although I figured out where my approach anxiety is rooted, it does no help. So what if I identified the cause, I must now un-train myself.
How do we un-train and then train our "Free Won't" to not butt in during sexuality: from approaching women, to escalating to sex and everything in between. Since I really agree the basis of our Free-Won't to sexuality is useless, I do not care about the consequences of any bad outcomes.
Well my first idea is to get out of a society that holds its anti-sexual principals. I suppose this would be the best way as we would adopt to a newer lifestyle and that will be that. However, this is not very practical. How do we immune ourselves from certain society programming, especially the ones related to dating?
Okay I am still working on this, just journaling my thoughts.
If you have been in the dating community for awhile and sniffed around, you most certainly know what this rule is. Basically, when you see a beautiful woman, no matter what is going through your head, you must make your way to approach her within 3 seconds. The idea is to not give your "Free Won't" a chance to say anything. It also makes you seem more confident that you go for what you want. It basically comes down to beating your "Free Won't" to the punch, approaching the woman before you have a chance to think otherwise. Eventually it will un-train your Free Won't from acting in that situation once you realize you are above this social norm---it does not apply to you anymore.
I forgot to mention, the basis of this is also from doing Hypnotica's Reinventing Yourself program (link on the right). Applying the 3 second rule is part of it in certain sections and I have yet to start. My "excuse" so far is I don't know when I can, I work all day and drive. But I know that is bull shit since I could easily jump into a store somewhere and apply it. Anyway Hypnotica's program is fucking fantastic and once I am finished I will write out a detailed review, however I am not sure when that will be. Its not a simple program, once has to keep at it constantly.
Recently I read an article about scientists finding the "Free Won't" inside the human brain. Check it out http://simurl.com/ego_in_brain It sort of proves there is a superego and this is where it communicates to the body. We still need to re-train it. I recall a quote from a master PUA stating "One cannot use the same part of their brain which backed their AFC-ness when becoming a PUA"
*Actually this is my journal so I'll express my Free Will :-D I have a strong feeling the reason for restrictions is to keep society from going out of control. However why it is rooted in us to reject sexuality I believe has religious backing considering other societies around the world are like 100x worse. The other idea is, in a tribal early human world, trying to court women outside your tribe could cause violence---however this rubs me as a socially learned norm, not an instinct as there have been many societies in our past that were very open to love and sex.
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