http://bigsendworld.com

UPDATE: BGTP is released! Click here

NOTE: This post is written over a week period, so things will change in this essay. How it starts is not how it ends.

Man, what an amazing week (and its not even over!) I have honestly never felt so close to a bunch of people before, so much love and respect.

Okay okay, a little background on Ideagasms and Stephane. In the A.S.F dating community many guys emerged in the beginning, including Mystery, Ross, DeAngelo, etc. Most of the gurus started off in the techniques side of things. Well, in the more spiritual side of the community emerged Stephane. Pick up from the heart, not mind. Relationships based on love, compassion, and balance without turning yourself into a pussy (literally). Stephane has programs like "Chakra Meditation", "The Girlfriend Training Program (GTP)" "Squirt DVDs" and next is "Bisexual Girlfriend Training Program (BGTP)" all of which base their ideas on meditation and spirituality.

I had the amazing opportunity to join Steph and the rest of the guys in their L.A. recording sessions of BGTP. Oh man, where do I even begin? I actually wrote this whole thing out once and had to scrap it because honing the essence of this into written words is presently beyond my writing ability. BEAR with me guys, there is an amazing revolution going on and I didn't fully realize it till I Met Mr & Mrs Ideagasms along with the rest of the crew.

I'll start with the chronology: First night started out at Dented's place, about 20 miles south of Los Angeles. He put his house up since his parents were gone for the day and we all chilled on a few beers and small talked each other. Steph, along with a bunch of others all came in around 11pm from their flight and were exhausted. When Steph walked past me, I got up and shook his hand, it was a great to finally meet my relationship teacher.

As mentioned, Steph comes from a very spiritual place in this world. So based off his material, my first impression of him was like some guru in the sky who says weird things like "There are clockwise spinning vortex's coming out of your butt" I used to filter out and pay attention to his more mind-oriented advice, like how to deal with women in certain situations, etc. However, my ENTIRE idea of spirituality and the ideagasms philosophy shifted after meeting and being exposed to these guys and I want to convey the power of this shift now. Some of that shift had to do with Steph personally explaining what "Chakras" are and what it means to meditate on them, others had to do with book recommendations, but most of all the vibe really taught me something.

So the first night was cool, just drank some beers, talked about random shit and did some religion bashing. I felt a great vibe, same vibe as going to a really cool party where it isn't too rowdy, but it isn't boring either. Everyone likes each other and gets along. That is exactly how I've been feeling every day after hanging out with this gang.

The rest of the nights, so far, have been at Brandon's place. The idea of BGTP is to interview a circle couple (the owners of yintegrity.com) and to train them on tape. So, Steph and Ghita set up in Brandon's living room and set the couches and chairs so we were all in a circle while the people being interviewed, along with Steph, were in the middle. Also Ghita was working the sound equipment, so she was off to the side, but man, there were like energy wires between her and Steph. Steph would be talking about how much he loves Ghita and how great their relationship is, and she had this amazing smile which cut right into the circle. It really opened my eyes and inspired me. In fact, if I could sum this whole thing up in one statement, seeing the love pouring through Ghita (along with AmyJo) towards their man was revelating.

So this was the environment of the recording, however after the recording started the real shit hit me. Steph would sit, giving his advice, answering our questions and being the teacher; afterwards this pounded beers and wine and turned into a drunken mofo! He is fucking NUTS! He is like the crazy cool guy you meet at a party who makes fun of people, gets made fun of and just cracks up half the time. At the same time though, he does have his meditative, quiet and in the moment side.

Well before I go into that, Steph is a "In the moment" dude. He does shit on first impulse. Though he claims he has self doubt, but relative to most community people, I doubt it is much. This guy has a shit load of social freedom, just like me when I was 10 or 11 years old. The only problem with me is when I was a kid, I was told to "shut up" or "be cool dude" so that part of me got repressed. However we all went to eat at Arnie Morton's Steakhouse in Los Angeles and Steph would just talk to the waiter and blurt random shit out like "WHERE IS THE COCAINE!! --rich people haha--" and, well, he also did some other questionable, in the moment type things to the Steakhouse but what happens in IG stays in IG :)

During Steph's drunkenness he said to me (and maybe others too, but I felt it was directed to me) that "I am not the master, that you (or we, the group) are really beyond me and will surpass me". It is a great teacher's goal for his students to surpass the teacher, so I believe Steph meant this for everyone. Moreover, in the right context, around those you love, alcohol can serve as a truth serum. Steph mentioned it again in the night. The thing is, I keep getting this from many people whom I meet for a short while or for a long time. I am not sure what it is, but the following brings a light to it: Steph assessed what he thought of everyone. Well, since we were all a bit tipsy and Steph was drunk, he openly said what he thought of people. To Brandon, he said "You were like me in High School, got laid a lot" to HoboJack, he said "We are both wild" but to me he said "You have this innocence to you, the way your eyes get big" He also mentioned its like a charm later on. From looking at my baby pictures I have always had a wondrous look in my eyes, its just part of my personality---I believe it is a great thing, but not very masculine, so its not helping me get laid exactly!

But.. innocence..? What does that mean? What I realized is this: during my life, especially in grade school I have been a bit of an easy target for ridicule and teasing. I've dealt with it, but never knew why. I honestly had no clue... But this all makes sense. Immediately my ego felt a bit pushed. The rest of this week will not be the same, as Steph told his truth and now my vibe turned from "wow these guys are like my new family" to "shit... I need to keep my ego in check."

The great thing about this meet is although everyone interacts like a new group of close friends, every night Steph records for a few hours pummeling into us his brilliant advice about inner game, relationships, and meditations. He mentioned numerous times that the ego feels hurt when an aspect of itself is exposed. Well during my turn to ask Steph questions, the first thing he does is say something to the effect of "Here are some newbie questions from Bigsend. First, have you ever been with a bisexual girl?" My ego got hit, is it because I still look at myself as a "newb" even though I have been with girls before? I play along with it and just have fun, sort of in the moment... but something was off. If you guys buy the BGTP you'll probably hear me get clowned in it. And based on the fact that everyone in the room was cracking up like crazy, I'm sure it was funny as hell. I did feel love in the room, people were laughing at me, but also with me. But later my ego definitely began to stir once again.

The truth is, I am cloaked by the veil of anonymity. BigSend is not my real name so there should be no reason why I should care. But this really pointed out something I have not figured out since grade school. Why am I an easy target? I thank Steph for pointing it out and exploiting it a bit. By him exploiting it, it reminded me that I really do have a big ego and things like getting good grades, approaching sets in front of friends, being the first chosen for something all partly fuel my ego and nothing else. That is, doing well in school is important for success in life, but part of my motivation is to do better than my peers. My school only encourages it more because everything is graded on a curve. Most people would say "you got disrespected dude!" But the way he was teasing me was more like how my big brother would tease me. It wasn't like he said "We have questions for an loser. Lets just get through with it. Okay lets go" In fact, during the last session, Steph kicked a guy out for interrupting him during the recording. I realized that Steph wouldn't do that to me unless he really didn't like me.

Well after my question session with Steph, getting a bit tooled and having my ego tossed, my vibe changed. I smoked some weed that night and suddenly my old brain kicked in, the analytical side which I had put on hold to open up my eyes. I started looking at everyone around me and assessing them. Even Ariel, the guy I admired for his ideas on money I interrogated a bit, which I do regret as he is a very good guy. But, weed does that to me. But I think it was a good thing I happened to randomly smoke weed (it has been like 2+ months). I began to analyze myself and realized how much my ego was defining my path in life. That is, I realized I am defined by my fears, not my love. This needs to change. The love I felt with this IG crew turned to confusion, but then back again to love. I reminded myself how lucky I am to be sitting in on this event and so fucking what if my ego isn't happy. I am getting awesome value and I don't have anything to prove.

After that day I took a couple days off of the IG crew. For one thing, I needed to catch up on school work, another I wanted to see my new nephew of 6 months. While playing with my nephew and seeing how cute he is, cuddly, smiling and fun my heart completely opened up. I felt amazing love for this kid. Soon after I recall what Steph said about chakras that it is not just about meditation, it is about merging with things of nature. I didn't realize this. So I mentally redid the Red-chakra meditation by merging my consciousness with a tree. That is, I simply imagined what it would be like to be a tree, firmly rooted in the ground, sucking up energy from deep within the earth and letting it come out of me in the form of leaves and fruits while being securely planted in the ground. I did similar things with the other chakras till the Heart Chakra. This I listened to Steph's Green (Heart) meditation. At first it was weird hearing this guys voice both in real life and in the meditation tapes, but it was cool.

I felt so elated and high when doing the green mediation. It reminded me that even when people tease me I really notice they do it because they like me, I am truly loved. I notice that when I tease people too, I do it because I like them and seeking rapport. I am kind of an easy target, but so what? I just need to remember that its okay, I have nothing to prove and its only my ego that is hurt---my heart feels more loved. Thanks for twisting my nipple Steph, you filthy bastard! I am an easy target to make good, well rounded friends. I am a bad target for truly evil people. I notice this all the time in real life but didn't yet make that connection.

So a couple days pass and I go back to Steph for the next recording session. This session like 30+ people showed up and I didn't get a chance to really talk to Steph. We exchanged a few words but I mostly schmoozed with other people. Also their recording equipment was fucking up so I lent Ghita a hand in the computer issues. I got to really talk to her for this first time and she is a very charming girl and shit, she is my age! 21! Steph is like 31. Ghita looks about 18 (in a good way) but acts like a 27 year old in maturity. She has this girly frontal attitude, sort of a blowing in the wind, in the moment however when you ask her to do something important, she does it with confidence, thus I notice she has a very good balance of femininity along with masculinity. Anyway, me and RRandal (forum name) fix the recording shit and then we are off. Steph does a talk about the "Relationship Matrix" which I believe is a sister to the "Social Matrix" the dating community talks about.

The basic idea of the relationship matrix is that in modern days, the man is not hunting and fighting daily, he is driving an SUV and paying $5 for a Happy Meal. At the same time, women are not solely dependent on men for survival of themselves and the babies, women in today's world have many choices. In fact, the only reason there are relationships is because of a biological drive to connect and reproduce, there is no more survival reason. So in a sense we have evolved over 100,000s of years and only in the last few dozen generations has there been this sudden change. The divorce rate now is like 50% and probably the only reason there wasn't a high rate 50 years ago was because divorces were taboo. The solution to this issue in Steph's eyes is interdependent circles, where it is one man and two+ females in which the females are all loving each other and the man is the masculine center. Although the man isn't hunting and being a warrior, being able to handle the two women requires a lot of masculine energy. At the same time, the rapport women have with each other is something a man can never truly emulate, and a one man, one woman relationship lack that level of rapport. However like in early-man days of polygamy, the rapport women share is back in circles and the energies balance. With this, the man can still drive his SUV to the market and pick up some steak and the woman can energize each other.

Now at first this sounds like some ideal, wonderland thing, but this is not true. The man must be very masculine as there will be LOTS of issues coming to the surface, and all these issues must be dealt with right away to keep the relationship alive. Also, by dealing with these issues it serves as an amazing way to do self-help on yourself. Among the things that come up are jealousy, insecurities, self-doubt, girls feeling secondary, keeping the relationship balanced, etc etc. Honestly I can't go into that here, I don't even know where to being, I may have to listen to the BGTP like 10 times along with get me one of those bi-sexual girls.

This past week was not a simple walk in the park for me. (Though it was for most of the people there). I met some amazing group of people but I also had to deal with my ego issues. Steph and I were messing with each other like how I'd mess with my big brother and how he'd mess with me, however even when my big bro would mess with me years ago, I did feel ego stings. Its all related and I thank Steph for bringing this to the table (even though he probably didn't intend it). The last meeting we were all outside and did a final Q&A. I realized at that moment that Ideagasms is a special group, a group of true givers and people who love openly. A group of seekers who strive to love better and better and let their pride and ego subside. This is an amazing group of people. I also realized that there is a lifetime worth of information in handling circles. BGTP is going to be an in depth introduction with lots of examples, stories, questions but after seeing Steph and Brandon and HomoJack, I realized I need to be in the pudding to taste it.

Steph's Girlfriend Training Program link. I HIGHLY recommend this program even if you have never been in a relationship. In fact, I listened to this before my first relationship and it gave me a solid understanding of what goes on and at the same time you get to hear LOTS of people's mistakes and how to overcome those mistakes. This program is like a long Q&A session where each question is something almost every guy thought of while in a relationship or even if not in a relationship, such as "how does one deal with a girl who is too bossy?"

Also, Yintegrity is Bandon's & Amyjo's company and they were the other circle couple involved in the recording. I just bought their ebook so I'll see what its like, but basically it seems like an ideagasms but for women. A heart centered relationship manual but for woman.

Labels: Commentary, Outings, Reviews, The Past

Posted by BigSend on Saturday, August 04, 2007 at 8/04/2007 03:28:00 PM | Permalink