What is Meditation Anyway?
My mental image of mediation, as far back as I can remember, was a half naked man sitting in the lotus posture with a super straight, stiff back and just sitting there. That is all. Whenever I'd try that type of mediation, it bored the fuck out of me. Like "omg.. im soooo bored" but it wasn't until recently I gained a new understanding of what mediation is. I can only speak my truth for what it currently is---I may change my "mind" later. For those of you who bought Stephane's GTP (and also read a previous post of mine "Speaking My Truth in Set") I have been focusing more and more on Steph's less known recordings on Heart and Inner Game. (The more popular recordings were his questions and answers). Also within the last year I read "Conversations with God book 1" "Power of Now" "New Earth" "Autobiography of a Yogi" "Eastern Body Western Mind" and lots of newsletters, articles, and whatever else came my way. The following is my current understanding of it all. Labels: Ideas, Spirituality
The mind is a tool. It is a tool that weighs data, judges facts based off memory. Likewise the hands are a tool which handles things. The feet are a tool which help you walk. Your muscles are tools that help movement. Your lungs are tools that help you absorb air. The mind is a TOOL. Also, the mind is one aspect of the Ego. The ego encompasses the Mind and also memories, our stimulus-response habits, our sub-conscious quirks etc. So if my mind is JUST A TOOL, then---minus all tools----who am I? That has been a question going through my mind (ego) all my life. See, my ego just judges data, weighs options, it doesn't know who I am---the most my ego can do is offer a suggestion "Do not touch a burning coal." and I will make sure I don't! My ego also suggests "Approach Woman => Observe Rejection => suggest embarrassment feeling based off past experience and social fears => now I feel bad" Like a computer program.
Ahhh I want to go further. Your mind is an extremely important and needed tool, just like your eyes are a tool to see. You need your mind to figure out how to hunt for food, how to make money, how to survive in a wilderness, how to socialize with emotional people, etc. But that is all your mind is. It is a "system" that "operates". Your mind offers suggestions on how to act based off of memories, patterns, and judgments* Perhaps your mind may tell you "You enjoy playing guitar because it gets you laid with groupies" even if guitar is not a true passion for you. I imagine many lost souls try to go into music because they think their materialistic fortune is found there, rather than their true journey.
So who am I. I believe, as of now, I am defined by my passions. But... then what are my passions and how do I distinguish true passions from my mind's suggestions? That is, if my mind/ego tells me "you love guitar and music" how can I tell if it is my mind suggesting something versus are heart & soul aligning? To me, when the mind suggests something, I do feel a tug to do that thing. It can be hard for me to distinguish when my ego wants me to do something versus my soul.
Mediating is a method I recently use to distinguish between my ego-feelings and soul-feelings. This brings me back: what is mediation anyway? To me, mediation is not about sitting still; it is more than that. I did not know what is meant by being still because I never knew what being still felt like. Here is an analogy: when I burn my hands, my "being" is in my hand, feeling the pain. When I am thinking, judging, weighing data, going through memories, my being is in my mind/ego. When I am in sympathy with someone, my being is in that person. But where is my "true" being? When I am not in a "tool", like my mind/body, where is my soul?
Truthfully, I do not think anyone knows where the "I AM" exists (perhaps it just exists everywhere and no-where). Knowing is something that exists in the mind. The mind can only know things that can be judged, weighed, experimented on, and sensed. The smell of a rose can never be "known" until we experience it. With that said I go with faith. This is simply my truth. I believe our TRUE self lies (or is most directly connected to) our energy centers. Sometimes referred to as Chakras (explain 2 paragraphs down). Sometimes referred to as "our gut" (gut being one of them) or our Heart. Our "higher self". Chakras are still a model that contains data, judgment and ideas. Just like Newtons model of the universe was so close to accurate, but then Einstein came in with a new and more accurate model. Same thing here, I believe Chakra's are a very accurate model because I can actually feel sensations in those exact energy centers.
Currently, mediation for me is simply choosing not to use any tool, especially my mind, and I simply "put my being" in my heart. That is it. I can do this any time and in any position. While I do this, I notice my mind may still be yapping away---that is okay. Its like being out in the cold and my hands are shivering; I can't help but feel my cold hands, its natural. Same with my mind. However, my mind does calm down the less I pay attention to it. The mistake I believe I was making after reading Power of Now was I'd focus on not being in my brain, however I found myself being no where. I was bored. Although I was not thinking, my "being" was still in my head. I was just forcing it to be quiet.
Chakras are energy centers which literally mean wheels in Hindi. It is simply a word used to describe a type of energy center in the body. A person should have 7 of them, each one connected to a different aspect of our being. The first chakra is called the Root and it represents the feeling/energy we have when we are grounded, at home, at peace with ourselves on the earth. The second chakra has to do with unconscious emotional drives. The third chakra is where we hold our "power" or self respect. Heart chakra is where we feel love, openness, devotion. Throat chakra is our ability to speak. Eye chakra is our minds eye. Crown chakra is a connection to our higher self. (This is how I interpreted it and remember). I suggest checking out Stephane's Chakra program if you are interested in this energy model of the body. He offers mediations and a book on the subject. Also videos too.
Also, I believe mediating is about putting our "being" into those energy centers. At the same time, I can let the rest of my body do its thing and I naturally relax. Mediation takes no effort, I just need to remember. Meditation is literally replacing focus from my biological tools to my energy centers. As of now, I just focus on my heart. That is it. Stephane suggested I open my heart and the rest of my chakras will open naturally and that advice makes sense and I feel it working. I speak my truth more now. I feel more grounded. I feel I am on my path more than over. I feel empowered.
So, for me, I believe I can distinguish between my ego needs and my soul needs by simply mediating. Getting out of my mind tool and into my heart. In my heart, if I still feel a desire then I know it is on my path. I need to trust myself and accept myself for this. I need to speak my truth and feel power. Steph is so right, being in the heart means balancing all the other energies. Wow...
*I want to add, I am in no way saying to dissociate with your mind-tool. It is super powerful and I suggest if you want to operate it better, check out Dr. Paul's stuff or Tony Robbins. Anyway for me, the distinction that ego is NOT me was huge. It really struck me when I visited Stephane for the second time in LA yesterday and saw his new full circle---that is saw how he interacted with his 3 girl friends---I felt almost no ego at all, pure heart.. I think steph is going to release part of the video we all took on youtube. The second I get my hands on it, I'll put it up here on the blog!
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