http://bigsendworld.com

Today was a rather interesting day in my journey. The last few days BradP and I exchanged emails regarding an interview he needs for his new program, which I believe is to be called "Metamorphosis Method" where he takes his students step by step through the learning process. Since I have been around the block, worked with Brad’s material and had some cool success with it all, he asked me to do an interview and I did. My only compensation was if I could call him if/when I am in a relationship crisis and get a phone consultation, oh and I got dinner after.

I felt the interview went great. I asked Brad to tell me the questions ahead of time and I was really able to think about the answers, put them in my best words. The questions regarded social anxiety and at what age I started having social fears and how I am working to rid myself of them. If you check my past posts, I wrote about Brad’s Social Anxiety workshop and how we went through a sort of step by step exercise of healing our social anxieties.

In my own progress I noticed I experience two types of anxieties, in this context. One type of anxiety occurs when I am acting—as in, I approach a group with canned material and sort of act out a skit in a way. I feel as though I am still hiding behind a veil and all I need to do is run the material. The other type of anxiety is when I am completely honest, up front, and truthful. This type of anxiety is the difference between going up to a fuckable girl and asking her "who lies more, men or women" and saying "Hey, I love the energy coming up from you, I am curious about who you are." One is honest; the other is beating around the bush.

Now don’t get me wrong, learning how to socially interact in any situation and with any words is very important—canned or honest. But I noticed that I felt a different type of fear when I approached out of pure honesty than pure acting. I could go on for pages and pages about congruencies, contingencies, calibration, etc. You know: sometimes it is inappropriate to be completely honest, other times it is just funner to flirt and play games. But to me, it would be fucking awesome to have the option of telling my full truth and feeling 100% good about it. Before, I didn’t have that option due to bull shit social anxieties.

So in the interview, I talked about some of my first social experiences growing up. One of which was a kid in my 2^nd grade class who asked me "Hey do you think you’re cool?" and I said "Yeah, I am cool!" and he replied "No! If you are cool, you can’t think you’re cool!" blah blah. Well as a 2^nd grader, I did take that word as gospel and if I recall, from those moments onward, I began slowly policing my thoughts, restricting my actions to make sure I am always "cool" whatever cool means anyway.

Anyway, if you buy his product, you’ll hear my whole interview. After this, Brad got me some dinner from California Pizza Kitchen. I got the Carne Asasa pizza and holy fucking shit! That was the best pizza I’ve had in years. Anyway, it was cool hanging out with Brad, just on a normal level. We didn’t talk game as much, actually talked politics and normal shit. What I realized afterwards was Whoa… Brad is a normal guy, just like me and my friends. He is a guy who had a dream, worked hard to achieve it (pick up, starting a business, writing books) and he is doing it. He told me a goal of his was to be well off in his own place, steady income, and be a big influence in the dating community in two years (shit I think he said that, I could be botching up his words badly haha) and he achieved exactly that. Nice. Props to him.

As I mentioned above, a different type of anxiety I feel is when I am being completely honest. This extends to seeing a girl I find very attractive and approaching her, honestly telling her how I feel. This also extends to telling a girl to go down on me, fuck me harder (or any other PG-R-X rated thing that happens in a relationship) and be totally congruent and 100% about it. Yeah—congruent, that is the word! Do I feel 100% socially free when I am honest? Am I congruent with being honest? The answer was no.

BradP has a social anxiety product (found here) where he gives about 20 exercises geared at re-training your brain to unlearn previous social conditioned fears. He offers more advice and I found it to be a very valuable program, highly recommend—it does what it says. But there are two ways to do the exercises. One way is out of acting, another way is out of pure honesty. Here is the difference: one of the first exercises is asking someone for the time. For me, when I really need to know the time, I’ll ask any one, no problem. But when I don’t really care for the time, I am just doing it for the sake of doing it, I feel an "acting anxiety." When I approach a group of girls with a canned opener I will feel acting anxiety, but on a much larger level. However, when I approach a girl with an honest opener, I will feel "Honest Anxiety."

It is "Honesty Anxiety" I am trying to eliminate or extremely reduce from my life at this point. My goal now is not so much to go in field and be a fun club guy with cool lines and stories, but instead my goal is to feel 100% free being 100% honest. My interview with Brad focused on that, for better or worse! Haha, in the end, I wasn’t completely sure that is what he wanted, but I felt real fucking good about the interview, so either case it will sound good and hopefully help out his students.

Later on that night, I met up with Ulysses and our mutual friend A. H. at a bar. Without going into all the gory details, I decide to open a set that caught my eye. They were standing by us, I felt their energy emanating and what I did was meditated (i.e., got out of my brain and into my heart) and felt the situation out, and I just approached with "Hey, I noticed you guys standing here and you have great energy. I am curious about you" I had a smile on my face, I felt 100% honest and congruent and it opened like Whoa, perfectly. In fact, one girl couldn’t hear and I had to repeat myself, but that was all good. Me repeating myself didn’t deter from the progress. We all talked, Ulysses jumped in and A. H. left at that point. Now a few things didn’t go 100% well, I ended up talking to the girl I didn’t feel strong attraction for (I felt attraction for the other girl) but Ulysses was talking to her. My bad, I should have communicated this with Ulysses somehow. Either way, what happened was Ulysses kind of took over the set as they got fascinated in his business—he is a social fundamentals co-founder and coach. Turns out the girl I talked to first was really into Ulysses but the other girl disappeared. I knew she was out for a cigarette, I felt it, but I needed evidence. After about 5 minutes of sitting and doing nothing as Ulysses chatted up his girl, I asked Ulysses for a cigarette, went outside and saw her there. We had a real great conversation which could have gone very far—I felt lots of sexual energy, but ahhh 5 minutes later her friends comes by and pulls her away. Not sure why she pulled her away, but it could be for any reason. I think they expected us to come back inside. Instead, we decided to bail and we did. Again, skipping gory details, this is the Universe reinforcing the fact that Honesty is where it’s at now.

Labels: Field Reports, Goals, Ideas, Outings

Posted by BigSend on Sunday, December 23, 2007 at 12/23/2007 04:52:00 AM | Permalink